Day 10 of Memory Care

CampCarol

Hi everybody, I haven’t been on for a bit. I’m still struggling to adjust to DH in Memory Care, and it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Memory care hasn't been horrible, but there are definitely good care aides, and not so good care aides. I’m very glad I decided to go at different times of the day and just pop in to see what was happening. Today is day 10, and with the recommendation of the MC, he is now on Hospice. He hasn’t eaten in weeks, and now he’s refusing most meds as well. They are thinking it’s ‘failure to thrive’ and feel that the best course of action would be to just ensure he’s comfortable. So now I’m really reeling. I’ve never had any interaction with hospice, and I am trying to read up on it as much as I can. I’ve also heard that not all hospice companies are created equal. I signed on the dotted line with the company affiliated with his MC after ensuring that I can cancel at any time. Is it worth researching and getting evaluations from more than one company? Do they have different approaches? And should I be thinking about bringing him home, or perhaps to another facility closer to home versus leaving him there (30+ minutes away)? As always, any counsel you all can provide is appreciated more than you know. Thank you so much!

Quilting brings calm

no. Leave him there. My mom was on the hospice that was affiliated with her AL 30 minutes away from me. I upped my visits to daily as we went along. Hospice was wonderful. The nurse came twice a week at the beginning, every day at the end. Including Thanksgiving. They communicated both with me and the AL nurse. There was a chaplain, a social worker and an aide. Although mom preferred that the AL staff do her shower/sponge bath. The experienced AL staff was wonderful, the not experienced staff got a talking to by both the experienced staff and the AL nurse. Mom had been there 5 years and they weren’t going to let her be in any more pain or discomfort than she had to be.

If you have any problems or concerns about the hospice, you tell the MC nurse. Who is probably very protective of the residents -new or old.

cdgbdr

I'm sorry you are going through this. Really think it through before making changes at this time. Give the MC and hospice time to get established and provide him with the necessary care. Visit frequently, lean on the supports that ypu have and love him.

Timmyd

If you are asking my opinion, I would say keep him where he is at and give current hospice company a chance. You don't need to shop around until you have some problem with how things are going. Get to know your hospice people. Ask them to do video calls with you while they are there. In my experience, most of them are angels and in it for the right reasons.

Jgirl57

Thank you for posting , I had been wondering how you and DH were adjusting . Hugs that hospice gives you and your DH the comfort that you need at this time .

SDianeL

I would not move him. The hospice nurses can answer any questions you have. They are usually very caring compassionate professionals. Talk to them. Also talk to your husband constantly. Although he might not be able to communicate he can hear you. Praying for you both. 💜

JeriLynn66

Here to agree with others; wait and see. Let the Hospice agency have a minute to get on board and caring for your husband. If they are already affiliated with the Memory Care, they already know everyone, the routines, the strengths and weaknesses. They should be your extra pair of eyes and hands.

The heart of any Hospice Agency is to support your husband, AND you thru this very difficult time. The RN assigned to you will oversee and manage all aspect of care, communicating with the physician and other care team members. If it is the right "fit", you should come quickly to know and trust your Hospice RN/Care Manager. If not, you can request another nurse.

I say all this as a retired Hospice RN/Care Manager, both in-home and in facilities. Give them a chance to get to know your DH and you. My patients and families became like MY family. And keep us posted. Prayers for peace and comfort for you and your DH.

Beachfan

Hi Carol,

If I were you, I would stick with the hospice company; most likely they are well aware of what is going on with your DH and are there to support both of you through the transition process. My DH was in a MCF for 17 months when he had a sudden sharp decline on a Monday ( an undetected gastrointestinal bleed); up until that time he was ambulatory, eating, progressing steadily, but not critical. Hospice came on board on Tuesday and he passed on Friday evening. Hospice staff were wonderful, informative, compassionate, and supportive for the short time they were with DH. His passing was peaceful, and we were comforted by their presence. (BTW: his death certificate reads “failure to thrive” as cause of death. There is a secondary or underlying cause of death listed as advanced Alzheimer’s.)

Praying for you and your family at this most difficult time.

ghphotog

My DW has been in MC now for over a year. It also was the hardest thing I have ever done. I've thought about bringing her home every day since but just haven't done it. She's near the end and it kills me when I lay awake at night thinking about her even thought I see her twice daily.
If I hadn't placed her I don't think I would be here. No sleep, constant changing all day and several times a night. That didn't bother so much as I was just getting exhausted and staying that way.
It's a hard choice and only you can make it. Don't second guess yourself or lay awake at night feeling guilty like I do.