Tired of putting my life on hold

Eloise0304

Why am I the only one making concessions, what about my life, my needs , I don't even like him, he takes up all I have within me and I am walking out the next time he raged at me Call me selfish?

I have given him everything including myself. I deserve to live my life

I promised for better or worse not abused

Chammer

If you polled every member here, we would all say, at least once on this journey, "What about me? What about my needs?" The saying, "If you've met one person with dementia, you've met one person with dementia" applies to caregivers as well. None of us follow the same care giving path to the end. Everyone needs to be safe - you, your husband, and those around you. Learn your options through the Alzheimers association and with assistance of a health care team, even if only you seek health care. Help is available for you and your spouse.

trottingalong

I don’t know what to really say. I’m in a different boat.. I love my husband. Always have. I do feel like I am losing my life with much I want to do. But he didn’t choose this either. So here I am. Some days feeling sorry for myself and others for him. Maybe you can sit down and write the pros and cons of staying or leaving and what either would entail. Would the grass be greener on the other side? Possibly. Possibly not. I wish you the best though so you can be happy.

Eloise0304

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/251188#Comment_251188

Eloise0304

I can't get him for the spinal tap even tho we do have have the procedure scheduled

If he won't even go to the car, he just won't go. What is truly the procedure

What if he has a bad reaction to the tap or what about the shunt if diagnosed with NPH what if it isn't NPH I we went thru this. I know I am rambling

Just feel stuck

Eloise0304

Phoenix1966

It’s okay to realize that you don’t want to be a caregiver. Like @Chammer mentioned, find out what options are available to you and choose the best paths forward for yourself and your spouse, even if they head in different directions.

Julia722

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/73842/tired-of-putting-my-life-on-hold

Hello. I am new here. Your post took the words right out of my mouth. My situation is eerily identical.

mrahope

I totally feel you on this. You have to learn what's possible…leaving entirely may or may not be one of the choices. It wasn't for me. If you haven't you may wish to consult a legal professional on this. I know it sucks.

Michele P

Your post resonated with me. I am living with the same. This is what I know. This man is the love of my life, my best friend. If tables were turned, he would care for me until the end. The man I love is still inside. He did not ask for this. He apologizes at times for his anger and tells me that it isn’t directed at me. He’s early stage. I know later the apology will never come. Remember the man you fell in love with and built a life with. Take walks, meditate, exercise, do yoga, find a good therapist who you can yell, scream, and cry to. Ask friends and family for help. Talk to his doctors about medication to calm him down. We can’t leave. They are depending on us as a child would for every basic need. If I was there, I would hug you. We all need that. ♥️

Eloise0304

I don't even like him anymore I have no support no family or friends And he doesn't want any help and would turn anyone away

tonyac2

What I’m slowly figuring out and have read here several times is that a PWD will reflect you. My DH does. If I’m mad, he’s mad. If I smile, he smiles. He has his own emotions, but will most often reflect strong emotions from me. I could slap myself when it’s a negative one. I quickly change the channel to something happier when that happens. He catches my vibes very well, so I try very hard to keep things calm and him happy. I get better cooperation that way. I’m like trottingalong, I love my husband too. Heartbroken over what he’s going through.

Michele P

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/251505#Comment_251505

You need to find a therapist who deals with this. Find a local support group. You can’t do this alone. You can’t change him, but you can change how you react to the situation. You have to take care of yourself first before you can handle any of this.

Cate2024

I get where you’re coming from. For me the group supports didn’t work for me. My DH family “left the building” long ago. The stress is affecting my health. I do have respite care coming in each week so I can have a break. The disease has robbed my DH of his compassion and he’s become very demanding. No one should judge another care person for how they feel or how much they can handle. Many days I feel the same as you. 🤗