How to handle transition to memory care

LoWhit53

My sister has been living in an assisted living residence for about 3 years, but her cognitive abilities are quickly slipping into a need for more care. She's falling, wandering into other apartments, needing more assistance with hygiene, even having very strong delusions. She's openly expressed a fearful dread of being placed in memory care, but her medical team and family feel we are rapidly approaching that day, if not already there.

She has been adamantly opposed to memory care, but her self awareness is way off. We suspect she has been trying to hide her symptoms for a while and may have been encouraged by some family members to do so rather than increase her expenses.

What advice has anyone got who's gone through this with a loved one who adamantly does not want to move? Any suggestions to make it easier on all concerned? I'm particularly worried that family members who live closest will have the hardest time dealing with her adjustment and be less supportive.

H1235

You say she is adamantly opposed to mc. Is it safe to assume mc has been discussed with her. I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I think it would be best to tell her she has to move for some other reason. The facility she is in will be having renovations done and she need to move. The doctor has recommended a temporary move so she can receive therapy of some kind. You may find the additional help and support she receives in mc will allow her to be more relaxed, comfortable and less stressed. She may adjust more quickly than you think. As far as family not able to accept the move, I don’t know. I assume these family members know this move was recommended by healthcare professionals. My brother is quick to blame me when discussing these kinds of things with mom. It has created a lot of tension between me and my brother as well as mom and myself. I wish there was a solution. If you are dpoa, maybe it’s time to move her closer to you.

eaglemom

I tend to agree with H 1235. Your going to need some reason to she has to leave one facility to move to mc. The facility is doing maintenance, carpets are being replaced, new heating system is being installed, etc. You can come up with something she'll understand. Maybe even staff shortage? Use your imagination for what she'll best grasp. Once she's moved to mc, the "work" still isn't completed at her old place.

eagle

LoWhit53

Thank You! This is really helpful. SHe went to assisted living 3 years ago after breaking her foot at home. She was adamantly opposed to it, but she did quickly change her mind. I have another friend whose mom went to MC after a hospital stay. The idea of renovations or staff shortages hadn't occurred to me. I can see how there's no payoff for being straightforward about this with her. Believe me, we would not be considering it at all if we felt she was thriving where she is. She reports that she eats meals then goes to her room and dozes until the next meal.

LoWhit53

She has visisted memory care on her own to see a friend who was assigned there and she formed a very strong determination that she would never go there. I think her son might have been trying to hide her symptoms because of the additional costs. He went to extraordinary lengths to keep her at the same care level to minimize her expenses. I think he might have encouraged her to hide her symptoms and rely on him for any additional care she needed instead of letting her get used to accepting care from staff members. As a result I think she sees MC as a complete failure to hide her symptoms, even though this was a completely transparent reality to all of us after her son took a step back from her care.

Thanks for the feedback!