Memory & Moving

GloriaV

My DH doesn’t remember anything that has happened in the last 20 years. We are going to need to be moving soon. One minute he seems more normal. After 30 minutes, he has already forgotten us talking about moving. Everything and I mean everything is falling on my shoulders. This move is going to be incredibly difficult. DH is a borderline hoarder

harshedbuzz

@GloriaV

My parents weren't hoarders, but they did have 2 homes for me to sort out when I moved them near me.

My best advice is to leave the PWD out of the planning and the execution of the move itself. Set up the new place and hire someone to deal with the place you left after he's out. We did one move while dad was in rehab. For the second, I had him stay in a hotel with mom for the weekend while my niece, DS and I directed the movers and set the new place up. That might not be possible for you, but if it is, it's worth considering.

HB

H1235

My mom is a hoarder too. Do you have family or friends that can help you? I think expecting any help from your husband is only going to lead to disappointment. I would recommend not consulting with him on decisions. You will probably find he is just not able to make rational decisions about how to handle things. Even without the dementia, convincing a hoarder to part with things is very difficult. My mom believed she still needed all the stuff in her house even after she moved to Al. Could you hire an estate sale company to sell what you dont need to take with you? I wonder if one of those pod things they drop off would work. I’m thinking it would allow you to pack a bit at a time and would also give you a place to put things so your husband isn’t rooting through boxes or adding things that aren’t needed.

Sunfish47

We moved a couple years ago and DH was zero help. I had to manage everything. He sometimes did seem to understand that we were going to move, but he wasn’t able to follow directions to be helpful at all. As I packed boxes he would come behind me and go thru the boxes to take items out. And he would yell at me that I was wrecking his house. I had to pack boxes two and three times and tape them shut to keep him from going thru the boxes. I had to wait til he was napping or had gone to sleep for the night to bag up items to bring down to the street for trash pickup. Our daughter had to take him away for several afternoons so I could do packing and discarding of junk. It’s not easy.

kingr2

It is so very hard. I am actually taking care of my ex husband. I agreed to it. We have been living in our new house for a year. I didn’t have any idea how fast he would go down hill. I think I am finally getting to a point where I’m not upset about having to do everything myself. Again, I just didn’t think it would be so fast. I thought for a few years we would be taking care of this house together.
We have a caregiver who comes twice a week for 3 hours. I am having her come today and she is taking him out so I can get rid of some things.
I know a lot of people don’t like to ask for help but we need it!!!! Ask a relative or friend to take him off your hands for a couple of hours.
I feel your pain. Know that you are not alone.