Memory care guilt

Bwenzel100

My mom was driving and living alone 3 years ago and now can barely walk with a walker, has total incontinence, can't dress herself, and is furious I put her on memory care, where im sure frightens her because she sees her future there. I am overwhelmed with guilt over this decision. It was my decision alone because my family basically backed out and told me to do what I think is right. Shes got a beautiful room in a beautiful facility but it is like a morgue in there. She was not getting the care she needed on the ALF side though and they let her outside by herself. Feeling awful and can't shake it but dont know what else I could have done. She is slipping more by the week, right now more physically than mentally. Anyone else see that trend?

JulietteBee

While I understand the guilt, lose it! You have done NOTHING to your mom.🌷

Dementia caused her need to be in a MC facility. Dementia is causing her physical regression. Dementia, and dementia alone, has everything to be guilty about.

Colacho10

It is not a small decision, and it is normal to feel guilt. It is hard, but try to remember that moving her to memory care will keep her safe and ensure she gets the care she needs.

It is common for the physical decline to sometimes outpace the mental changes in the later stages of dementia. You did the best you could for her, given the circumstances

psg712

MC will be safer for her than AL at this stage. It is hard, but you are doing your best to care for her. Hugs. Lots of us here can relate to your feelings.

April23

Oh goodness, this could be me saying everything you just said but about my dad (except, luckily, he's never angry with me, but other family members have been).

We are 2 years in MC now, he is starting to become incontinent and walking is getting harder. Definitely seeing the disease manifest physically now also.

Someone on this forum once said something to the effect of "When we have to choose between keeping our LO's safe or happy, we have to choose safe." I have never forgotten that and think of it often. I know if my dad was able, he would tell me I'm doing the right thing.

Sometimes, there are just no good choices. But our LO's safety must always come first. Just remember, you are doing the right thing for your mom and if she could, she would agree.

SDianeL

yes, in later stages they decline both mentally and physically. So sorry. You did the right thing moving her to MC. They are better trained to care for PWDs 24/7. You didn’t do this to her, you did it for her to keep her safe. We understand how you feel. Hugs. 💜