Am l really losing her now?

Windsock

My DW is 72. She was diagnosed MCI 12 years ago. The last two weeks things are changing. She asks if I’m her husband, sometimes with a frightened look on her face and sometimes with an embarrassed look. Some mornings I then spend a couple of hours sitting with our coffee convincing her that we are in fact married and this is our home. ( There are times she says she just wants to go home while we sit in our home of 31 years). She asks if our kids or friends know “what we are doing “ as she thinks we are living together “in sin” . Every night she wonders where I’m going to sleep, asking if I’m sure it’s ok for us to sleep in the same bed. She says that she saw a guy cleaning up the yard that looks just like me and when I convince her that it is in fact me and we are married she is very happy with that news. She knows my name. This awful disease has been taking my lovely intelligent outgoing sweet high school Sweetheart from me for 12 years. I’m SO afraid the next step is the one where she has no idea who I am. Is that next in this unthinkable journey??

White Crane

Dear Windsock, unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, there is no way of knowing what will be next. Each person's journey is different. My DH has been in MC for almost two years and still knows I'm his wife. He doesn't know my name though. I know this is hard and how I wish we could make it easier for all of us. For me, I take one day at a time and thank God for the good times and pray for peace during the bad times as I continue to love and appreciate the dear man I married so long ago. You sound like a loving and devoted husband and your DW is blessed to have you taking care of her. I'm sorry it's so hard. Sending hugs.

Windsock

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/257826#Comment_257826

Thanks, WC. I appreciate your kind words. Each of us has a distinct path we are on with this disease. I guess I’m just needing to share my feelings and fears. I like maps, there are none for this journey.

Milo4455

I like maps too, and there are none for this journey. This sums it up for me too. Hugs

jfkoc

Rule of thumb…any rather abrupt change may be the result of a silent UTI. Please get to an Urgent care for testing ASAP.

Anna2022

I am so sorry for this development. I know this is coming for me too. I hope the coming weeks fall softly for you both.

lenbury

I think the 'wanting to go home' in dementia folks is an abstract concept where they are really expressing a desire to go back to what they remember as a normal life. I saw this with both my wife and my sister. I would avoid trying to convince them that they were actually in their homes but try to allow them to work through their feelings.

SDianeL

my DH didn’t know my name but he knew I was someone he loved and who loved him. His last words to me were “I love you too babe”. I believe the connection remains. 💜

Biggles

You express your love for your high school sweetheart so beautifully, that long time love that you have had for each other is so very special I have met so many people who have never had the depth of love that you have expressed they don’t understand the pain that we feel and why we give the care that we do. My heart goes out to you, to me to all of us in this awful situation. I too am so very afraid of the next step in this unmapped journey.

Hurricane37

Dear Windsock. I have an nearly identical situation as you with MDW of 89, a hometown sweetheart I married 65 years ago. She is mid-stage ALK and I have brought in a live-in caretaker to help me. I'm continually learning about the process of how to make her remaining life as good as it can be. I try my best to have patience, take each day one at a time, continually tell her I love her, spend as much time as I can with her (I do give my self some alone time for walks to the corner coffee shop, take a class at the U. and serve brreakfast to the homeless once week), and have our childen and grandchildren make frequent voice cams or visit us as much as possible. She is not always aware of who we are, or where she is, or when we last spoke, but I'm hopeful she feels she is surounded by those who love and care for her. I know dark times are coming, so I just try to stay joyful in the present. We are all on this sad path together. God give us stength to endure it well.

Hurricane37

LJCHR

This is a horrible journey - with no road map. It's hard to enjoy the good times when you anticipate the bad times coming, but unsure of what they will look like. Prayers to both of you.

Windsock

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/257909#Comment_257909

Thank you. I try to stay aware of the moments we have now that are precious that won’t be here in the future.

Windsock

Thanks, sounds so very familiar. I’m hoping that she will someday accept a live in caretaker. Walking to a local coffee shop would be glorious! :-)

Windsock

Thanks, Biggles. Sometimes you just want the world to know who she really was and what we had together.

Windsock

Thanks! Good idea!