Am l really losing her now?

Rule of thumb…any rather abrupt change may be the result of a silent UTI. Please get to an Urgent care for testing ASAP.

You express your love for your high school sweetheart so beautifully, that long time love that you have had for each other is so very special I have met so many people who have never had the depth of love that you have expressed they don’t understand the pain that we feel and why we give the care that we do. My heart goes out to you, to me to all of us in this awful situation. I too am so very afraid of the next step in this unmapped journey.

This is a horrible journey - with no road map. It's hard to enjoy the good times when you anticipate the bad times coming, but unsure of what they will look like. Prayers to both of you.

Hi Windsock. regarding your difficulty getting yourDW to accept a caetaker, I had the same problem. We went through three that my DW didn't accept. I finally shifted the emphasis to talking to her about agreeing to have someone to help me with cooking, housekeeping and managing meds because I was exhausted. That seemed to be more acceptable to her—helping me vs. a caretaker for her. She just rejects the idea that she needs help even while omeone is helping her. Under this scenario, we finally hired a Afro-American lady "who helped me, but loved her". She was with us for 3 years, and when she had to leave, it was relatively seamless to "hire me another helper". We never refer to that caretaker as a caretaker for my DW. Sounds a bit devious, but it has worked for us. Changed my life too and gave me more freedom to be abscent for short periods. Hope these thoughts help you a little.

Hurrican 37

So sorry that you are experiencing this with your dear wife. I too experienced it with my wife in the last couple years of her battle. The many times when she asked me to find her husband or could not recall my name or questioned why I was in her home. Initially it was like a red hot knife stabbing my heart after 57years of marriage to hear her this way. We can see their feelings in their facial expressions and for my wife it was important I learn to read her expressions as her language slipped away. I had to help family learn to watch her face and listen less to what she said to understand. What I learned to see was her "knowing" look which came through her confusion when she looked at me or the children. She might be unable to recall the name or relationship (which is crushing) but look closely and you would see her expression become more peaceful as her heart took over for her brain. I told them that "she knows you are one of hers" and that you are a safe and trusted person. No name, no relationship, no details, just an expression from her heart that she knows you belong to her. When it happened you might get a smile, a touch of the hand, sometimes allow you to kiss her cheek, motion you to sit beside her, etc. In her eulogy which I gave, I told everyone that if you she ever smiled at you, touched you, kissed you , spent good time with you, if you looked closely you would see that look when she would know that "you were one of hers" and to be trusted and loved. Live on after that knowing "she picked you" in her heart which still beat strong as her brain slipped away. Look for those expressions, learn to read them and hopefully you too will see that while her words are gone her heart will still say "I love you", "You are one of mine". That may be the best we can hope for.

Windsock, I'm experiencing nearly the same thing with my DW. I posted about it in another thread. We are younger than you (I'm 67 and she's 65) and I go to sleep not knowing who I will wake up next to: the woman who loves me, or the woman who doesn't know who I am. I flip between sleeping with her and sleeping in the guest room depending on how she's doing. Feels almost like a split personality though I know that's just the Alzheimers. This is so dang hard. How long does this last? Will she eventually stop flipping back and forth and settle into not knowing who I am permanently? That's my assumption. For now, I take the moments that she loves me and cherish them and her, for I know it won't last.