Showtiming Is Fascinating

Flowers456

My husband (56 with EOA) recently had a 4-week hospital stay due to Ulcerative Colitis, which led to blood clots and malnutrition. He is currently at home.

He can barely walk. He eats maybe 500 calories a day. He argues with me about taking his medications every single morning.

He did the same thing in the hospital and had to have a feeding tube. However, now that he’s out, he “showtimes” for everyone else.

• He stood up from the couch with his physical therapist (slow, but he did it).
• He told his primary doctor that he tracks what he eats and is taking in 1,400 calories a day.
• He told his primary doctor that he takes his medication because he knows it’s important.
• He walked to the table without his walker and ate a meal when his family came to visit and brought food. (His mom now thinks my awful cooking is why he’s lost so much weight.)

He knows what he’s supposed to do and can move his body more than he does, but he doesn’t do it with me.

ronda b

I feel you. My Dh is like that. He eats very little, but when his son takes him out for lunch he shows down. He is grumpy and hateful around me but them he is so pleasant. I just go WOW.

Russinator

((HUGS))

harshedbuzz

@Flowers456

My dad couldn't showtime like he was going for an Oscar nod. He told his PCP fictional tales of swimming daily and walking the golf course 3 times a week. He told his neurologist that he "lives rural" which is nonsense. But the best was joking with his geripsych in Yiddish. Dad was a lapsed Irish Catholic.

HB

ARIL

My stepmother WD showtimes at an astonishing level. A couple of years ago she went with my dad to his PCP appointment and told them that he used to be a heavy smoker but that she helped him quit and that she organized a daily exercise regimen for him. These things wound up in his medical records! I saw them on his MyChart. My dad was never a smoker, and she slept all day—way different from running a home gym! It took a letter and several phone calls to get his records partly changed. So yes, I hear you. Showtiming is real—and sometimes dangerous.

White Crane

My husband is past that now but in earlier stages, he had some really interesting tales that he loved to regale people with. At the doctor’s office, he never had an ache or pain.

JulietteBee

My DM seems to be a pro. She acts, reacts, speaks, and thinks perfectly for everyone else. For me, she can't remember what I told her 3 minutes prior.😢

H1235

What amazes me is the confidence and conviction mom has. There is no hesitation, no hint of confusion, no stumbling for words, just absolute certainty that this is true.

Janine25

Reading this is scary and disturbing. I am just starting on this journey with both parent in laws. When they "showtime" do they believe it or are they aware of how they are behaving differently in different situations?

harshedbuzz

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/260026#Comment_260026

Hi and welcome.

I saw your post on the Parents board about moving your divorced in-laws in together as they both have dementia.

To answer your question here, I would say they absolutely believe it. Many PWD have a related condition called anosognosia which prevents them from recognizing the degree to which they are impaired and different now. In their minds, they're as capable and doing all the things they used to.

This can be frustrating as non-caregiving family members won't see what you are and may come away with different opinions around the level of supervision your LO needs or accuse you catastrophizing the situation when you'd been hoping for support or even an "atta girl". It can be worse when the PWD puts on their act with their doctor. You'd think the medical community would be onto this, but no. Not universally. When you, or your DH, attends appointments with your ILs, he should express his concerns via a patient portal or private written note to the doctor. Also, sit behind your LO so you can nonverbally confirm or deny the accuracy of what they tell the doctor. If behavior at home is agitated, you may need to record it with your phone to share discretely with the doctors when seeking medication.

HB

Dio

It could be actually believing it, or simply wishful thinking or "fake it till you make it." My DH was like that in front of doctors, police, or anyone he deemed an "authority" figure. He never got a true diagnosis until I set his psychiatrist straight about DH lying that he had done the mental exercises prescribed. I think psychiatrists should ask the question "what exercise did you do?" rather than "did you practice gratitude?" because DH would say "yes" and I'd be there saying "no, he didn't."

Chance Rider

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/260051#Comment_260051

I’ve experienced similar issues with doctors asking closed ended questions that only require yes/no answers, my husband will say what he thinks they want to hear. Better to ask open ended questions that require more detail.

Vitruvius

One of the [clueless] doctors who we first saw even asked my DW if she thought her thinking was better now than in years past. DW immediately responded resoundingly that her cognition was better now. This was despite the fact that she was clearly cognitively impaired by this time.