Showtiming Is Fascinating

Flowers456 · December 5

My husband (56 with EOA) recently had a 4-week hospital stay due to Ulcerative Colitis, which led to blood clots and malnutrition. He is currently at home.

He can barely walk. He eats maybe 500 calories a day. He argues with me about taking his medications every single morning.

He did the same thing in the hospital and had to have a feeding tube. However, now that he’s out, he “showtimes” for everyone else.

He stood up from the couch with his physical therapist (slow, but he did it).
He told his primary doctor that he tracks what he eats and is taking in 1,400 calories a day.
He told his primary doctor that he takes his medication because he knows it’s important.
He walked to the table without his walker and ate a meal when his family came to visit and brought food. (His mom now thinks my awful cooking is why he’s lost so much weight.)

He knows what he’s supposed to do and can move his body more than he does, but he doesn’t do it with me.

ronda b · December 5

I feel you. My Dh is like that. He eats very little, but when his son takes him out for lunch he shows down. He is grumpy and hateful around me but them he is so pleasant. I just go WOW.

Russinator · December 5

((HUGS))

harshedbuzz · December 5

@Flowers456

My dad couldn't showtime like he was going for an Oscar nod. He told his PCP fictional tales of swimming daily and walking the golf course 3 times a week. He told his neurologist that he "lives rural" which is nonsense. But the best was joking with his geripsych in Yiddish. Dad was a lapsed Irish Catholic.

HB

ARIL · December 5

My stepmother WD showtimes at an astonishing level. A couple of years ago she went with my dad to his PCP appointment and told them that he used to be a heavy smoker but that she helped him quit and that she organized a daily exercise regimen for him. These things wound up in his medical records! I saw them on his MyChart. My dad was never a smoker, and she slept all day—way different from running a home gym! It took a letter and several phone calls to get his records partly changed. So yes, I hear you. Showtiming is real—and sometimes dangerous.

White Crane · December 6

My husband is past that now but in earlier stages, he had some really interesting tales that he loved to regale people with. At the doctor’s office, he never had an ache or pain.

JulietteBee · December 6

My DM seems to be a pro. She acts, reacts, speaks, and thinks perfectly for everyone else. For me, she can't remember what I told her 3 minutes prior.😢

H1235 · December 6

What amazes me is the confidence and conviction mom has. There is no hesitation, no hint of confusion, no stumbling for words, just absolute certainty that this is true.

Janine25 · December 6

Reading this is scary and disturbing. I am just starting on this journey with both parent in laws. When they "showtime" do they believe it or are they aware of how they are behaving differently in different situations?

harshedbuzz · December 6

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/260026#Comment_260026

Hi and welcome.

I saw your post on the Parents board about moving your divorced in-laws in together as they both have dementia.

To answer your question here, I would say they absolutely believe it. Many PWD have a related condition called anosognosia which prevents them from recognizing the degree to which they are impaired and different now. In their minds, they're as capable and doing all the things they used to.

This can be frustrating as non-caregiving family members won't see what you are and may come away with different opinions around the level of supervision your LO needs or accuse you catastrophizing the situation when you'd been hoping for support or even an "atta girl". It can be worse when the PWD puts on their act with their doctor. You'd think the medical community would be onto this, but no. Not universally. When you, or your DH, attends appointments with your ILs, he should express his concerns via a patient portal or private written note to the doctor. Also, sit behind your LO so you can nonverbally confirm or deny the accuracy of what they tell the doctor. If behavior at home is agitated, you may need to record it with your phone to share discretely with the doctors when seeking medication.

HB

Dio · December 6

It could be actually believing it, or simply wishful thinking or "fake it till you make it." My DH was like that in front of doctors, police, or anyone he deemed an "authority" figure. He never got a true diagnosis until I set his psychiatrist straight about DH lying that he had done the mental exercises prescribed. I think psychiatrists should ask the question "what exercise did you do?" rather than "did you practice gratitude?" because DH would say "yes" and I'd be there saying "no, he didn't."

Chance Rider · December 6

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/260051#Comment_260051

I’ve experienced similar issues with doctors asking closed ended questions that only require yes/no answers, my husband will say what he thinks they want to hear. Better to ask open ended questions that require more detail.

Vitruvius · December 7

One of the [clueless] doctors who we first saw even asked my DW if she thought her thinking was better now than in years past. DW immediately responded resoundingly that her cognition was better now. This was despite the fact that she was clearly cognitively impaired by this time.

Lgb35 · 1:59PM

I go to all DH appointments and when he showtimes I will shake my head subtly to the provider so they understand it’s not true. He recently told our PCP that this disease doesn’t impact him at work yet he has had 2 customers ask for another salesperson. Yes it is 💯 impacting work. I am not relying on any benefits from his job so I wish they would just fire him. I feel bad saying that but it really is what is best

Milo4455 · 2:24PM

MY DH was a pro at this, and I believe, one reason diagnosis was delayed. Now that he is further along on this journey and can no longer pull it off, the drive by 'visitors' are seeing his true progression and stunned.

M5M · 8:08PM

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/260282#Comment_260282

It is great that you supervise the doctor visits, my DH showtimes also at the visit. But, LGB, are there benefits that could be useful for DH if he was to retire or take medical disability? Maybe consider options so he can exit and perhaps retain even a small retirement or other benefit…..? If he works for a small/independent company, there may not be much set up to forego, but if the company is part of a larger organization, there should be a process for leaving without getting fired. You might talk with an employment lawyer if you think there could be some financial benefit.

Showtiming Is Fascinating

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