Hello! ☺️

sprklebrn48

I'm new here, I am an adult taking care of my elderly mom who was recently diagnosed with Dementia. I often find it difficult to understand her strange choices and behavior, and become highly stressed over them. I am wondering whether anyone else is familiar with this, and have any information on how best to help her.

H1235

Welcome. Sorry you need to be here. Logic and reasoning can be difficult for a person with dementia. Strange choices and behaviors is pretty common. It’s hard to say what is going through their mind sometimes. As long as is not dangerous for anyone, it’s usually best to just go along with it. Trying to get her to understand why it makes no sense is not going to be successful. Most here will tell you the number one rule is never try to reason or argue with a person with dementia. If you try it’s just going to make you and probably her miserable. If something she is doing is dangerous you might try distracting her or changing the subject. A fib might also work. “The car needs repairs”. (Because it’s not safe for her to drive. Sometimes you need to get creative. If she is becoming upset and anxious you might want to talk with her doctor about it. Anosognosia is also common with dementia. This is the inability to recognize her symptoms or limitations. My mom thought that since she could push her walker she was perfectly fine to push the lawn mower and mow the lawn. It’s very hard! I think the more you can learn about dementia the better you will be able to care for her. I will attach some helpful resources. I know it wasn’t a question, but a durable power of attorney is very important. If you haven’t seen a lawyer yet, it’s best to do it as soon as possible.

1676316940835_Notices.pdf

DBAT.pdf

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

SDianeL

welcome. Yes we understand what you’re going through. I recommend the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. Also search online for dementia caregiving videos by Tam Cummings or Teepa Snow. Learn all you can about the disease so you can help her. I learned 2 things here: 1) never argue with someone with dementia and 2) you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. Come here often for info, support or to vent.

harshedbuzz

@sprklebrn48

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

The best thing you can do to help her is to help yourself get to a point where you can differentiate between mom talking vs dementia talking. Her brain is diseased and damaged and can't work in the way you're used to. Understanding the Dementia Experience is a free download and quick read that can help you make sense of your mom's behaviors in the context of what she may be feeling. I really like The 36-Hour Day, too but it's probably not something you can read right now in 15 minutes. The latter is kind of like one of those books given to new parents covering all aspects of childcare from birth to 18 but for dementia.

HB

sprklebrn48

Thank you for the warm welcome! I will look into both, as the book will help with managing her symptoms. I really appreciate the information.