Dad newly diagnosed

katiedad1951

Hi Everyone. This is my first post. My dad was newly diagnosed this past June with early onset Alzheimer’s. I feel like I am in a state of complete shock. I have gone into “panic mode” and I want to make sure I’m doing all of the right things. My dad is still very early on, but the not knowing of what’s next and when is eating me alive. I have taken over most things such as finances, etc for my dad. My question for today is, what are the things that I should get in order for my father legally early on so we don’t have to worry about it later? Thank you in advance. Much appreciated, and you are all in my thoughts as we go through this journey together. Hoping to gain some support here.

sandwichone123

Hi Katie, You've come to a good place. The first things are Durable Power of Attorney (DPOA), which will allow someone to deal with legal and financial issues. This doesn't have to be when your dad is unable to do so, you can also use it for convenience, for instance when you and he can't get to the bank at the same time. You'll also want to have POA for Healthcare, which allows someone else to make healthcare decisions when he is unable to. It also facilitates getting health information. This is a good time to discuss end-of-life decisions and what he would or would not want.

You and your dad should talk to an attorney about these documents, and also about financial planning. An attorney may seem expensive, but money takes on a whole new meaning with Alzheimer's, and meeting with an attorney who specializes in elder care issues is a very wise investment for people from all financial situations.

H1235

Welcome. There are so many decisions to make in the beginning. Not knowing how things will progress complicates things and is so frustrating. I can understand wanting to do everything “right”, but I’m not sure that’s possible. You’re probably going to make a mistake or two, don’t beat yourself up too bad when it happens. I would see an elder law attorney. But here is what I would recommend- durable power of attorney (DPOA), medical poa, will and living will. I would make sure the local hospital and his doctor have a copy of everything. If your mom is still alive keep in mind he can no longer be her backup so to speak. If he has investment accounts you might want to make sure they will accept the DPOA. Im told some want their own paperwork done. You need to figure out where he is at financially. Is there any chance he will need Medicaid? If so, talk to the lawyer about it. In my state Medicaid can look back 5 years at expense, bank accounts, spending, gifts. The requirements and what is actually covered varies by state. I got mom a state Id, since she was no longer able to drive. It’s good to have a plan for when he needs 24/7 care (it will come sooner than you expect). Facilities can have a waiting list and they are very expensive. His house or assets may need to be sold to cover the expense. On the other hand if the house will not provide enough money to provide care for very long it might be best to keep it and apply for Medicaid instead. It’s complicated. I’m glad you found our group.

Klako

I echo Sandwichone123 and all comments. Not sure how old Dad is but if on Social Security there is a Representative Payee process you have to go through if you need to speak on his behalf as they do not recognize a POA. You might want to also have a DNR form which is different than a living will. It defines if there would be intubation, CPR etc. I always thought that was part of living will but there is a separate form for it. As Healthcare POA you can sign it later but it will need to be in place in case you are not there when a medical situation arises. Elder care lawyers are excellent to help you plan for the financial future. Use this site! We are all here for you and this was my support at any point when I felt like I had no one or didn’t know what to do, felt guilty or whatever emotion I might have had along my journey. Sorry you are part of this club but we all are here for you!

JulietteBee

The above posters gave you good pointers. I will add to it by recommending that you start the conversation with dad about living arrangements.

For my octogenarian mom, that was the hardest discussion, as she just wanted to "die in my own house."

Does dad want to move in with you? If your current house is already bursting at the seams, would he want you to sell both yours & his house to be able to afford a bigger house to accomodate all of you, along with his future needs? If his house is bigger, would he prefer if you move in with him?

My mom never believed that parents should live with their children if they are married. The housing plan she finally opted for was to locate a nice independent living facility and move in there. She has been there since the fall of 2024. She loves it, and the social butterfly that she always was, is making friends & thriving.

All the best with dad. Let me point out the somewhat obvious. Panic is counterproductive. For what lies ahead, a calm, organized, task oriented mind is required.

Merla

so sorry for your dads diagnosis. It's so sad when it strikes young. Others have given you good suggestions. I would also simplify and streamline his finances so they are centrally located and get access to everything and get rid of stuff in his name he doesn't need ie get rid of the Amazon account in his name and just buy him stuff from your account.

I would also do some financial planning bc dementia is an expensive disease to have and I assume you are on the younger side so are busy with work etc so will not be a full time caregiver.

SDianeL

welcome. Sorry about your Dad’s diagnosis. You have received excellent advice. I would add meanwhile learn all you can about the disease so you can help him. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” and later search online for dementia caregiving videos by Tam Cummings and Teepa Snow. They are very helpful. Come here often for info and support. 💜