Dad newly diagnosed

Welcome. There are so many decisions to make in the beginning. Not knowing how things will progress complicates things and is so frustrating. I can understand wanting to do everything “right”, but I’m not sure that’s possible. You’re probably going to make a mistake or two, don’t beat yourself up too bad when it happens. I would see an elder law attorney. But here is what I would recommend- durable power of attorney (DPOA), medical poa, will and living will. I would make sure the local hospital and his doctor have a copy of everything. If your mom is still alive keep in mind he can no longer be her backup so to speak. If he has investment accounts you might want to make sure they will accept the DPOA. Im told some want their own paperwork done. You need to figure out where he is at financially. Is there any chance he will need Medicaid? If so, talk to the lawyer about it. In my state Medicaid can look back 5 years at expense, bank accounts, spending, gifts. The requirements and what is actually covered varies by state. I got mom a state Id, since she was no longer able to drive. It’s good to have a plan for when he needs 24/7 care (it will come sooner than you expect). Facilities can have a waiting list and they are very expensive. His house or assets may need to be sold to cover the expense. On the other hand if the house will not provide enough money to provide care for very long it might be best to keep it and apply for Medicaid instead. It’s complicated. I’m glad you found our group.

The above posters gave you good pointers. I will add to it by recommending that you start the conversation with dad about living arrangements.

For my octogenarian mom, that was the hardest discussion, as she just wanted to "die in my own house."

Does dad want to move in with you? If your current house is already bursting at the seams, would he want you to sell both yours & his house to be able to afford a bigger house to accomodate all of you, along with his future needs? If his house is bigger, would he prefer if you move in with him?

My mom never believed that parents should live with their children if they are married. The housing plan she finally opted for was to locate a nice independent living facility and move in there. She has been there since the fall of 2024. She loves it, and the social butterfly that she always was, is making friends & thriving.

All the best with dad. Let me point out the somewhat obvious. Panic is counterproductive. For what lies ahead, a calm, organized, task oriented mind is required.

welcome. Sorry about your Dad’s diagnosis. You have received excellent advice. I would add meanwhile learn all you can about the disease so you can help him. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” and later search online for dementia caregiving videos by Tam Cummings and Teepa Snow. They are very helpful. Come here often for info and support. 💜