Dressing and Laundry
My DW has a very had time dressing. She will put 2 (and sometimes 3) tops/blouses/sweaters, wear pants and a dress at the same time; put her clothes inside out, and/or front and back reversed; you name it, it's all a mess. And the worst part is she will not let me help her fix it after I tell her. She wears earrings that don't match, or just one earing. So obviously her appearance is not normal.
She does not use her hamper for dirty clothes. She either hides her dirty clothes or puts it back with her clean clothes. I organize her dresser, and it will only last a day or two that way.
Does anyone have any ideas how I can help her? I am going nuts! And I am sadden at the same time. Thank you!
Comments
-
Hi @jimorrison Welcome. Glad you found us, yet sorry you found yourself here. This terrible disease is a marathon, not a sprint. So best advice is to go slowly and ease into things.
I’ve been helping my DH with dressing and grooming for the past year. If I remember correctly we eased into my taking over this task one step at a time. At first it was removing one or two of those layers, then it evolved into me putting his ‘clothes for the day’ out for him. Later I found myself really cleaning out his closet so his choices were limited.
I have learned that DH is cold natured, so he does best with layers. I also bought him shirts with zippers rather than buttons or pull-on shirts. I let him do as much as he is able, but often shirts go on backwards or inside out so I have to help in that regard. We have a few lightweight hoodies that he can layer on in the summer, plus heavier sweaters for colder weather.
For your DW - maybe pull-on pants with elastic waists would work. Perhaps edit her wardrobe to a few dresses, some pants, blouses/sweaters, a few pairs of shoes so her choices are limited. Same for jewelry and don’t sweat if that doesn’t match. Get everything else out of the house, perhaps when she takes a nap.
As for the laundry - maybe someone has ideas. My DH will wear the same clothes for days if I don’t make him change! I have heard that folding the clean laundry can be a task that many PWDs enjoy doing.
Best of luck to you!
3 -
@jimorrison
It sounds like your DW needs hands-on assistance with the ADL now.
One of the gentleman in my IRL support group had a similar issue with his wife. She'd previously been known as a fashionista and they were living in a CCRC, so he felt strongly about maintaining her appearance as a dignity issue.
His solution was to bring in a favorite granddaughter to create "capsule outfits" for the week. Everything she needed (plus a couple spare pants, tops, socks, undies) was folded into a large Ziploc for each day— pants, tops, sweater, undies, socks and jewelry together. Each day he'd pull out an outfit for her which was accepted because the beloved granddaughter had put it together. He only had one week of clothing out at a time; extra outfits were matched up and stored in totes in their onsite storage locker.
Early on, she could manage the dressing for the most part and sometimes expressed a preference for what to wear but he became more involved as she progressed. If she put dirty things in with the clean clothes it wasn't a huge deal as they were in the Ziplocs.
HB7 -
Welcome. Would it help if you simplified her wardrobe? Make sure things easily mix and match. No matter what shirt she picks it will match any pair of pants. If button up blouses are difficult I would get rid of them. Pull on pants are easy. I would get rid of holiday clothes or just pull them out of storage when appropriate. If she would notice these changes to her wardrobe, you may need to adjust it gradually. I can understand if you go out these things may be embarrassing, but if you’re in your home, does it matter? If she does wear a blouse that doesn’t match could you suggest a different blouse (that matches) by telling her how pretty she looks in this other color? As far as dirty clothes, you probably need to keep an eye on what she is wearing daily, then go on a scavenger hunt for the dirty clothes at the end of each day. Maybe keep her dirty laundry in a spare room until you have a chance to wash it (so she doesn’t pull it out a wear it before it’s washed). I hope you find a solution.
4 -
I agree with @jgreen Identify clothes she likes and seem to work well. Make those most accessible. Slowly disappear the things that cause problems. Try getting away from the dresser if you can. Fortunately DW's closet was in the spare bedroom. We started keeping clothes on the bed rather than closet or bedroom. So what worked for us:
Move slowly and gradually with providing assistance.
Figure out what clothes she likes and are easy and promote those. Buy more of the things that work. If there is something she really likes I will buy 2 or 3 of the same item.
Start making the clothes that don't work less accessible.
Try to get away from dressers and closets and instead keep the key pieces of clothing in a more visible and accessible location.
Sometimes you just let it go. The mismatched socks or the pants on backwards are not a big deal and often do not justify the distress that can be caused by trying to correct.
3 -
It's tough. My DW is very similar. She wears blouses over blouses. She does pile used clothing around the bedroom. I grab it when I see it put it in the hamper out of sight. If you try to correct her appearance, at least for me, she gets upset. I just let her do her own thing. Tonight, she was going to bed with her jeans and blouse on. I then just laid her pajamas on her bed (when she wasn't looking). She saw them, and started to put them on. It's a constant battle for all of us. You are not alone by any means. In my opinion, if her attire doesn't harm her or anyone, just let her do her thing. Like others have said, maybe limit what clothes she can pick from. She probably won't notice with a limited wardrobe. Hang in their brother!
5 -
I truly appreciate everyone’s comments and suggestions. It’s going to help me a great deal once I implement them.
(I forgot to mentioned, my DW hardly ever puts on her PJs; she sleeps in street clothes and never under the sheets, no matter what I say or display.)
3 -
My DW stopped wearing pajamas several months ago. She sleeps in her clothes that she has on and usually on top of the covers. Lately she has stopped taking showers or changing clothes. I can usually coax her into the shower every 4-5 day in the afternoon and getting in with her to bathe her and wash her hair. She then gets into new clothes with my help. If there is a bright spot here, I don’t have to do laundry every day. 😂 Hang in there and just let your DW wear what she wants as long as it is safe.
4 -
My husband does exactly the same thing. Sleeps in his street clothes, on top of the covers. I don’t fight it as long as he’s happy and safe.
4 -
You have reminded me…
We were going to a wedding weekend out of town. I made certain that clothe for the events were carefully packed separately. When asked if he wanted any help packing my husband answered "no".
The next morning in Farmington NM my husband exited his shower and asked where his underwear was. Seems all he packed were books!
4 -
😂🤣😂
0 -
Maybe I’m the lucky one here. My DW would not be able to dress herself if we spent all day on it. She’s very cooperative, for the most part, in letting me dress her. I’ve simplified things like no bra anymore. Socks on the feet so no slippers falling off. Lately, I’ll just let her keep her nightgown on if she’s comfortable. Even if we take a ride in the car. Also easy slip on shoes. The ones where there’s no wrap around the heel. Elastic waist pants are a must. Keep it light and simple. And try not to give too much direction when dressing. Keep it quiet.
8 -
Im sorry but that's sorta funny. Probably not for you.
1 -
Same. My DH wears the same clothes everyday. Sometimes two or three shirts. Coat and gloves are on all day along with his beanie. I don't worry about it too much but I make him take off his street clothes before bed. He is somewhat compliant. He will take off his street clothes but then sneak his shirt back on. I just let it go. He hides all his clothes in a corner of our bedroom and covers them up. I think he is afraid someone will take his stuff. I don't really have a solution I just pick my battles.
4 -
I experienced this with my dear wife and finally just accepted that she will wear what she will, inside out or not, day after day or not, etc., etc. I did put the clothes that she seemed to prefer more available but she woul dnot allow anyone to pick her clothes. Any attempt to suggest alternates caused an argument. I learned if she is happy with her selection, then I need to get happy that she is safe and comfortable and stop trying to manage her choices. She wore clothes backwards, mismatched, inside out, layers, slept in the clothes. If the clothes became soiled, accidentally spilling some small food on them would usually get her to change and her anger at me for being so careless was very short lived. Pick your battles and clothes and fashion was not at the top of my list anymore. Ensuring she was happy and safe, regardless of what anyone else thought, was my goal.
5 -
Yes the clothing issue is difficult. My DH will wear the same clothes day after day, layering 3 shirts and 2 pairs of underwear, even sleeping in them, if I am not successful in getting him to change. I am still somewhat successful but not always.
And he is loathe to put his worn clothes into the hamper; folding them and putting them back in his dresser. I have to retrieve them later for washing. He claims if he puts the worn clothes into his hamper he will never see them again 😂🤣 cuz they will be stolen !!
So I don’t fuss about how he dresses in the house, just trying to keep the peace. But I do have to watch carefully how he dresses himself when we go out.
When we got to our daughters house for thanksgiving dinner last November, I looked down at his feet and saw he was wearing TWO LEFT SHOES !! Haha not too much surprises me these days !!3 -
I caught DH trying to put a foot through a long sleeved tee shirt the other day! Yep - no surprises; just sad/funny stories.
4 -
I had to get rid of all of moms shear blouses that should be worn with a something underneath. She didn’t understand and and well it just was not good.
6 -
The problem I have with my DH is rather funny. If I don't put my clothes away right away, and even sometimes when I do he'll change into mine. Even my underwear! I think he just likes the feel of the material next to his skin. Haha
3 -
0
-
😂
0 -
My DW is also vision impaired so I must choose her clothing and help her dress daily. She sometimes can dress herself but sometimes she puts jeans and or blouses on backwards. Yes, I have to manage dirty clothes also. We do take showers together on a regular basis as she is pretty unsteady at times. Hang in there. You are not alone.
3 -
@jfkoc, that was seriously funny…sry.😄
1
Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more
Categories
- All Categories
- 638 Living With Alzheimer's or Dementia
- 353 I Am Living With Alzheimer's or Other Dementia
- 285 I Am Living With Younger Onset Alzheimer's
- 17.8K Supporting Someone Living with Dementia
- 5.7K I Am a Caregiver (General Topics)
- 8.7K Caring For a Spouse or Partner
- 3K Caring for a Parent
- 229 Caring Long Distance
- 181 Supporting Those Who Have Lost Someone
- 13 Discusiones en Español
- 1 Vivir con Alzheimer u Otra Demencia
- 1 Vivo con Alzheimer u Otra Demencia
- Vivo con Alzheimer de Inicio Más Joven
- 12 Prestación de Cuidado
- 3 Soy Cuidador (Temas Generales)
- 8 Cuidar de un Padre
- 23 ALZConnected Resources
- View Discussions For People Living with Dementia
- View Discussions for Caregivers
- Discusiones en Español
- Browse All Discussions
- Dementia Resources
- 8 Account Assistance
- 15 Help