A letter to Memory Care Center managers

tboard

Dear Mr. Memory care manager,

I have been working hard these last 50 years and always setting money aside for retirement. Now I need that money to pay for memory care for my DH. Memory care is my vacation, my world tour and my retirement all rolled into one.

Today I arrived at my Dh's "care suite" only to find that yes you had the furniture from the last occupant removed as we discussed a week ago but the room had other furniture in it.

The movers who delivered my DH's new chair found a spot for it but your head of house keeping insisted on a different location. I went along with it because I don't want to make any waves less than 24 hours before my DH arrives.

You said the room would be clean and freshly painted. When I told the staff about the fresh paint they laughed at me. Apparently that is something you just tell people but not something you do.

You asked me not to use picture hooks so I bought some command strips. The walls are full of picture hooks and pictures too. I can't imagine where or how I will be using the plastic hooks I brought. I might just take some of the pictures down and put the pictures my DH will enjoy up on the picture hooks on the dirty walls.

The bathroom hasn't been cleaned and the last occupants shower curtain and shower bench and a few other items are still there. I left my DH's shower curtain and bench in the car along with most of the other belongings I brought for him. No point in moving stuff into a dirty bathroom.

In an hour or two my son will arrive to help move the bed, a small chest of drawers and a lamp into the "suite". I have my cleaning supplies all packed and am prepared to clean the bathroom and see what I can do about the walls. I am doing this for him, not for you.

I won't be able to vacuum because the vacuum cleaner is too heavy to bring along. I am assuming that if there are safety rules against having non-employees use the washing machines you won't let me use one of your vacuum cleaners, but I might ask anyway.

It is true we didn't have enough money for a grand retirement but I thought maybe we had enough for a clean room.

I am going to get through the rest of this day and tomorrow without crying no matter what you do or don't do. Just know that you have crushed what little there was left of my retirement dreams and you made a sad day sadder still.

Yours sincerely,

The wife and caregiver of a man who has mixed dementia.

Russinator

I'd fire them.

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/268631#Comment_268631

It was the only place we could find that had an opening and that could take him. He might not be there for long. I can move him home or maybe there will be an opening at the three other places that can provide the level of care that he needs. I

Bowerbird

I am so very sorry that you had to experience this. It is a difficult transition as it is, without having to deal with this situation. I'm sure it does not inspire confidence in you and your LOs. My DH has only been in MC for about 6 weeks, so I am still adjusting to the idea that not everything about the place is as it would be at home. As everyone agrees, the caregiving doesn't stop just because a LO is in a facility, but this goes a little too far. I hope you have spoken with the manager (and marketing director) about this. Perhaps a little online review is in order.

H1235

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. As you said this is hard enough as it is. I was always worried about expressing my concerns at mom’s facility. I was always worried it might come back on her somehow. But there are something’s you just can’t ignore.

BPS

In the MC my wife is in I have had several issues with the management, and have thought about making a change, but the hands on caregivers are all good people trying to do a good job. They have a rather high turn over rate so I am always watching and I think for the most part the people that do this kind of work are caring helpful people. My issues have always been with management and I have talked to them several times about things like being under staffed and inconsistent procedures. It is obvious that the management didn't do the things they said they would or should have but the people that will hands on be dealing with your husband may be very good people and do a good job.

annie51

I agree with @BPS and hope that you will find this to be true with your DH’s facility. I was generally happy with the care my DH received from the caregivers and had some minor issues with the management. But your facility definitely needs some feedback about these issues because it seems to be too many things to just sweep it under the rug. So sorry such a hard thing has started off so badly. Prayers for you that it will turn around.