Looking for ways to help mom whose in denial and thinks I steal from her

pcat99

Mom is not diagnosed, in denial she has any problems, accuses only me of stealing from her- things I didn’t even know she had, and I live 5 hours away, verbally and emotionally abuses me, I am the only person in her life willing
and wanting to help her. What have others done in this situation?

caregiving daughter

Identify if there are any legal documents in place, e.g., powers of attorney. If so, contact her gp/internist to figure out a process to have your mom diagnosed. Eventual documentation will need to indicate that she is no longer able to handle her affairs. It will be challenging to get her into the needed specialists but very likely the internist has encountered this situation before.

If there are no legal documents, talk to an attorney about guardianship.

Relative to the verbal comments, your mom's judgement is impaired. Please remember this illness and allow the comments to roll off. I know it's harder than it sounds. My mom told me I wasn't like her other children which was ironic since I was the only child helping. What worked for me was to pretend I was a professional caregiver. I just tried to detach emotionally. Record some of the comments or decisions she has made and then when you read them back, it will become obvious that your mom needs your help.

Look around in your community for training on dementia. If you attend a session, not only will you find an impromptu support group (I cried when I introduced myself in my training) but you'll also walk out with contact information on attorneys, doctors, care providers, offices of aging in your community, and other. Learn about the illness and how to communicate with someone who has dementia. For example, when your mom accuses you on the phone of taking her purse, respond with, "mom, let me think… I do recall seeing it" … and then move into a distraction.

You are a good daughter. She is so lucky to have you.

H1235

Welcome. Caregiving daughter gave excellent advice. She is not in denial. Her brain truly can’t process/recognize the symptoms she is having. Many with dementia have anosognosia. This is an inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. No amount of trying to reason with her will work. There will likely never come a time when she says-I need help, I can’t live alone anymore, I shouldn’t drive. You will need to see a lawyer(if you don’t have DPOA) to make it legal to take control. You might also look for videos by tam Cummings and careblazers. I have attached a few resources just in case you haven’t run across them yet. The caring for a parent board gets more viewers. You may want to consider posting there for more responses.

DBAT.pdf

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf