Looking for ways to help mom whose in denial and thinks I steal from her

Identify if there are any legal documents in place, e.g., powers of attorney. If so, contact her gp/internist to figure out a process to have your mom diagnosed. Eventual documentation will need to indicate that she is no longer able to handle her affairs. It will be challenging to get her into the needed specialists but very likely the internist has encountered this situation before.

If there are no legal documents, talk to an attorney about guardianship.

Relative to the verbal comments, your mom's judgement is impaired. Please remember this illness and allow the comments to roll off. I know it's harder than it sounds. My mom told me I wasn't like her other children which was ironic since I was the only child helping. What worked for me was to pretend I was a professional caregiver. I just tried to detach emotionally. Record some of the comments or decisions she has made and then when you read them back, it will become obvious that your mom needs your help.

Look around in your community for training on dementia. If you attend a session, not only will you find an impromptu support group (I cried when I introduced myself in my training) but you'll also walk out with contact information on attorneys, doctors, care providers, offices of aging in your community, and other. Learn about the illness and how to communicate with someone who has dementia. For example, when your mom accuses you on the phone of taking her purse, respond with, "mom, let me think… I do recall seeing it" … and then move into a distraction.

You are a good daughter. She is so lucky to have you.