Long Term Care

Bobo59

On March 12 my DH was admitted to long term care and it was the hardest thing I've done. On the second day I was ready to bring him home. When I arrived at breakfast time, he was sitting with full glasses of juice and water, a cup of hot chocolate and a plate of food that he didn't know what to do with. I lost it. I called the kids and told them I had made a terrible mistake. I realize now that it takes time for staff to understand limitations and capabilities of each resident. But now, three weeks later, I am still feeling frustrated. There are 15 residents on his ward, many are wheelchair bound, dementia, stroke victims. I feel as though he is expected to do more since he still walks unassisted (tho he is getting more unsteady) and he is younger than the others in his ward by 10-15 years. I spend most of my day with him. The way I see it, I would be 24/7 if he was still at home. I believe the aides are learning what his needs are and beginning to understand what he simply cannot do, but I feel drained. I keep telling them that they need to think of a 2 year old when they are dealing with him. I have brought him home for afternoon visits this past week and I realize I am not qualified to care for him at home now. I am so incredibly sad and feel such guilt. He, on the other hand, does not recognize home and has actually said that he should get going back. I know he doesn't recognize the care facility either but it makes it easier to return him to their care. Such heartache. I feel for all of you who are going through this and those who await the next phase. Stay strong fellow caregivers.

Quilting brings calm

I am guessing here: is it possible the aides are allowing you to assume their care duties because you are there and they know you will do it? You say they are getting better- what would happen tomorrow if you didn’t show up until an hour after the meal? Would he have been fed and been dressed?

easy23

I agree with @Quilting brings calm. I was visiting my DH every day from 11:30 - 3:30. The aides left him in bed and he watched tv all day. I called one day and told the nursing supervisor that I couldn't come in. That very day they started using the hoyer lift to get him into his wheelchair and bring him into the day room. After seeing this, I started cutting back on my hours and my DH has been participating in activities. He is well cared for.

annie51

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done also. It did take some time for the adjustment but as with your DH, I don’t think he realized that he was in a locked memory care facility. It was a blessing for me that he seemed content and was getting very good care. I felt a lot of pressure come off me, although I did visit every day (between lunch and dinner) so I could make sure he was getting the attention he needed, and I could ask questions if the caregivers and other staff. Honestly you’ll never get rid of the guilt but you’ll come to realize you made the right decision for you both. Sending hugs.

Bobo59

Aww. You are all giving me great comfort. And I realize I am seeing the care I know he needs is there. They will eventually understand his abilities. But it isnt easy.

Bobo59

Yes. you are right of course. I felt like they couldn't do the job I had been doing for so long. I know it may not be perfect but in time they will become aware and i won't feel the need to be there for each meal.

Bobo59

Thank you for that! I have never cried as much! Your words nmean so much!

Bobo59

Thank you for your kind words. We are stronger together!

Bobo59

Thank you. I am not sure I can work through this guilt but i will try. I have a good support system and I am leaning heavily on them. Thank you for sendind support,,..

Russinator

((HUGS))

Victoriaredux

Not guilt, guilt is from doing something wrong. Sadness yes , no one can cure the disease, but guilt —no way. But relief he is in a place where there is care and he isn't dependent on the health of one person to survive.

tboard

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/75719/long-term-care

I recently moved my DH to a facility. I didn't want to but I can see now that I can no longer care for him at home. He is getting excellent care and they know exactly what he needs because of an assessment that was done by a nurse (I think it was a nurse). Perhaps your DH is in the wrong facility. It happens.

I visit my DH daily and he is clean and well fed. He is adjusting to the situation. I am the one who is struggling.

Bobo59

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/269549#Comment_269549

I understand your struggle :(. Yes, I am questioning whether it is the right facility. From what I understand, there isn't a place near me that handles only Alzheimer's patients. There was an assessment but it seemed quite brief. There is a care conference in another week that will be attended by a nurse, OT, recreation person and admin staff. I am keeping notes to bring to that meeting. I am seeing small changes this week though and certainly some very experienced aides which gives me hope for better care to come.

I wish you and your DH peace.