Worried About My Mom

alisa25

The symptoms are certainly not new but especially over the past year they seem to be getting worse and worse. I'm getting to the point where I feel confident that I know what is happening to Mom and I don't really know what I can do. My mom and I have always had a really difficult relationship and I live across the country so its been really difficult to help my Dad. My grandmother had dementia so I've seen it happen before and what my mom has been experiencing looks very similar but has been almost slower maybe. It's getting to the point where I get phone calls from other members of the family asking if my mom is okay because she sent them a really confusing message and I get so embarrassed which feels horrible. Its taking so long to get my Mom into the doctor to get a neuropsych exam or a proper diagnosis to figure out whats happening. Maybe it's not dementia but I have no idea what else it could be. My mom can't go anywhere alone because she gets lost, she'll ask me the same question 5 times within a 20 minute phone call, she struggles to do the same tasks that she used to like cleaning and cooking, and she's been having increased anxiety and so much more. I guess the point of this was just to rant. I just feel so lost and sad watching this unfold and feeling like I can't do anything to change it. And theres not much I can say to her that she'll understand or take well. She either gets defensive or she forgets not long after I talk to her. If anyone knows of any support groups or somewhere I can go to talk to people with similar situations, I would greatly appreciate it. I am in therapy which is helpful, but connecting more with other people who get it and maybe can help prepare me for further down the line would be great. Sorry for the long rant, but if you read it all thank you!

April23

I found an in-person group where I live on this site. They also have virtual options sometimes.

https://www.alz.org/help-support/community/support-groups

This forum has been a great help to me also. Everyone here is so helpful and I’ve gotten such great advice here. Sorry for your need to be here but glad you found it.

H1235

Welcome. So sorry you need to be here. Everyone is different , but I found I needed to learn all I could about dementia. Without this knowledge I feel like I would be flaying around in the dark. For me that’s worse than the knowledge of what’s to come. If your dad hasn’t seen a lawyer yet, I would strongly recommend it. It’s very important. I will add a few links that may be helpful.

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

DBAT.pdf

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

Quilting brings calm

It’s most likely dementia… however has she been to her family doctor and had blood work done? Some things can mimic dementia and can be treated… very low B12 levels or thyroid issues. Some people can no longer absorb B12 through food or vitamins and they get monthly B12 shots.

caregiving daughter

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76375/worried-about-my-mom

I see others posting about ways to learn more about dementia. I would recommend also. You could be of great support to your mom on the phone but it's important to understand how to respond. There is no more disagreeing. There is no correcting. There is no frustration that you are hearing stories for the fifth time. It's not your mom's fault. She cannot learn otherwise.

With respect to feeling the need to explain what is going on to family and friends, you'll know when it's the right time to discuss the issue with your dad as it's a family decision. You may also decide to confide in some folks and not others. Forgive me but I am venting selfishly right now… My mom had a close cousin that she actually worked for as well. My cousin was fully aware that my mom lived in memory care. She once invited cousins over to her home for lunch and promised she, herself, would drive my mom back and walk her to her room. With four small children, I got a call around 4p saying she couldn't take my mom home afterall, someone, without telling me who, would drop her at the front entrance. Bottom line, you should actively decide who to explain the situation to.

Please hang in there.

alisa25

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275698#Comment_275698

Thank you so much! I'll definitely check that out. I have already found some comfort here too. Even just after this one post, seeing everyone share advice and resources has been so helpful!

alisa25

@H1235 Hi and thank you! These resources are so helpful! I agree, I also prefer knowing as much information as I can. I'll be reading through these this week. I appreciate it!

alisa25

@Quilting brings calm She just recently got blood work done and it just waiting for her results. I'm assuming they'll be checking for that so we'll see. My dad said that a neuropsych eval will be next based on how her results come back. I'll be sure to specifically ask about her B12 levels and thyroid. Thank you for sharing that!

alisa25

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275723#Comment_275723

Thank you for sharing! I try to remind myself constantly that she can't help it. While sometimes its still hard to push down the frustration, I definitely feel bad for her more than anything now. I'll be doing as much research as I can.

I'm sorry to hear about how that went down with your mom's cousin as well. That must be hard to navigate who you can go to. That is definitely helpful to keep in mind, and something I'll think about going forward.

bayshiretorreypines

Hi Alisa,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Everything you described sounds incredibly difficult, especially being so far away and feeling helpless while you wait for answers. It does sound like your mom is experiencing significant changes, and I can understand why you're concerned.

Please don't feel bad for needing to vent—many of us have been in similar situations and know how overwhelming it can be. I'm glad you're in therapy, and I hope you're able to find a support group as well. You're not alone in this.

Sending you and your family strength during this difficult time.

alisa25

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/275801#Comment_275801

Thank you so much for the kind words and support. I really appreciate it and it means alot!