NEWBIE too

Sparklebutt

Hello Everyone,

I’ve been reading posts since I found alzconnected last week. Before that I think I was in denial about my DH; lately I can only read small doses of all of your helpful posts without feeling really down. But I am getting braver.

My DH is diagnosed with late onset Alzheimer’s mild with anxiety. He doesn’t acknowledge his dx although he does know he needs my help and calls me his rock. I have two pressing concerns: 1) Does anyone have experience trying to get VA compensation Benefits for Agent Orange/ Vietnam vet? DH’s case would be considered non presumptive. 2) DH is still driving; I ride with him every week and have no safety concerns as long as he’s driving in familiar places. But his neurologist NP said six months ago that if he tested poorly again on brief cognitive test she would have to report to the DMV. They suggested driving school…but AAA is a computer test and there’s no way he can do that. I don’t think he’s ready to relinquish his license so I’m not sure what to do.

‘Would love your take on these two things…and anything else for that matter. I’m full of gratitude that I found alzconnected.

Bowerbird

If he has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, you may want to consider that if he were involved in an accident, both he and you could be sued. The laws may be different in every state, so you'd want to check on this.

I did not know this when I let my DH drive (only with me in the car) after being diagnosed and only found out about this information from this forum after he stopped driving at my request.

This talks about the California DMV:

https://www.alzheimersblog.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Drive_ChuckWarner.pdf

Ben2812

My DH was diagnosed in April with Early onset Alzheimer's at the age of 56. The doctor told us that we should consider having him stop driving then but he seemed to be okay driving to familiar places. Until one day he came home upset because he had almost hit another car. At that point I made the tough decision of talking to him , telling him he needed to stop driving and I took his keys. . He agreed after a little hesitation. Afterwards I realized I should have done that sooner. We were extremely lucky he didn't have an accident. It is a tough decision to have to make but it will be one less thing to worry about. Another thing you need to consider if you haven't already is to get the Durable Power of Attorney while he can still understand what it entails. I wish you the best of luck. Sorry I can't help with the VA issue.

Sparklebutt

Thanks much for your input . I set up an appointment for him to see his neurologist and we’ll take it from there. He doesn’t want to talk about his diagnosis so I’ll ask MD to talk to him when we’re there.

Sparklebutt

Thank you!

harshedbuzz

@Sparklebutt

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

A couple of thoughts. Most PWD are loathe to discuss it for a host of reasons. Many wise caregivers here never use the word in the presence of their LO. Best practices is to communicate new behaviors and concerns via the patient portal ahead of appointments so you don't have to disparage your DH in from of him. Sit in the sightline of the doctor behind/next to your DH and nonverbally signal whether he's reporting accurately rather than saying he's wrong.

Many PWD also have anosognosia and can't appreciate how impaired they actually are. They may admit to a lousy memory but not the degree to which they're impacted especially around executive function and reasoning. Try to convince them is pointless and cruel.

Driving is a unity horse around here. It's time for him to stop. His doctor may or may not tell him. Some docs feel it's a family responsibility and/or not being the "bad guy" will preserve their relationship with their patient. In addition to the fabulous PDF shared already, read your policy; many policies are voided as soon as the diagnosis is made. As a POA you could also be held responsible for letting him drive. You really don't want to go through a lawsuit. BTDT with my non-dementia elderly parent— by the time the court date came she seemed like a different person than the one who had the accident. Given the progressive nature of dementia, your DH might not be able to defend himself.

I think the driving thing is harder for spouses than adult children who can just create a fiblet about the car being in the shop for a recall and awaiting parts from China or borrowed by a beloved grandson for work. Since you'll likely need a car, you'll have to lock down keys. If you tended to have your own vehicles, you might be able to sell it or remove it from being a visual trigger.

I get that it is difficult. Cars were dad's whole personality. My dad carried on about driving until the day he died. The very last conversation I had with him hours before he passed was about promising to bring his Ford to the MCF so he'd have wheels if he wanted to go somewhere.

Good luck.
HB

AlekoW

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/276750#Comment_276750

Oh my. I had no idea. DW stopped driving after a syncope event (ruled out stroke/seizure—remains unexplained). When we told her prior neuros, they said that was fine she was voluntarily not driving and they didn't need to report to the DMV. Now I'm not so sure that was correct (?!)

[Concern level elevated 😳 ]

H1235

Driving is so much more than getting lost or a minor fender bender. His reaction time is probably slower, traffic laws can be confusing for a pwd (there is a lot going on at a four way stop), visual depth perception can be affected and timing can be off. It’s about more than the worry of a lawsuit. A child that runs out into the road unexpectedly could be killed. In my opinion you need to error on the side of caution. Taking the keys after an accident is too late!

Michele P

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76490/newbie-too

Welcome. Speak to a Veteran Service Officer (VSO) either at your local VA or locally in town. You can also contact the Elizabeth Dole Foundation. They have an intake form on their website. Someone will call you back and help you. The VA primary care physician can connect you with all available services that your husband is entitled to. A social worker will be assigned to him to help with his medical care. They have an entire geriatric team to help with everything you need. Medical supplies, in home care, transportation, renovations on your home to accommodate him might be covered. With 100 percent total and permanent rating, everything is covered or a stipend is awarded. Apply for care giver or aid and attendance now. You can only be approved for one of these.