NEWBIE too

If he has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, you may want to consider that if he were involved in an accident, both he and you could be sued. The laws may be different in every state, so you'd want to check on this.

I did not know this when I let my DH drive (only with me in the car) after being diagnosed and only found out about this information from this forum after he stopped driving at my request.

This talks about the California DMV:

https://www.alzheimersblog.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Drive_ChuckWarner.pdf

@Sparklebutt

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

A couple of thoughts. Most PWD are loathe to discuss it for a host of reasons. Many wise caregivers here never use the word in the presence of their LO. Best practices is to communicate new behaviors and concerns via the patient portal ahead of appointments so you don't have to disparage your DH in from of him. Sit in the sightline of the doctor behind/next to your DH and nonverbally signal whether he's reporting accurately rather than saying he's wrong.

Many PWD also have anosognosia and can't appreciate how impaired they actually are. They may admit to a lousy memory but not the degree to which they're impacted especially around executive function and reasoning. Try to convince them is pointless and cruel.

Driving is a unity horse around here. It's time for him to stop. His doctor may or may not tell him. Some docs feel it's a family responsibility and/or not being the "bad guy" will preserve their relationship with their patient. In addition to the fabulous PDF shared already, read your policy; many policies are voided as soon as the diagnosis is made. As a POA you could also be held responsible for letting him drive. You really don't want to go through a lawsuit. BTDT with my non-dementia elderly parent— by the time the court date came she seemed like a different person than the one who had the accident. Given the progressive nature of dementia, your DH might not be able to defend himself.

I think the driving thing is harder for spouses than adult children who can just create a fiblet about the car being in the shop for a recall and awaiting parts from China or borrowed by a beloved grandson for work. Since you'll likely need a car, you'll have to lock down keys. If you tended to have your own vehicles, you might be able to sell it or remove it from being a visual trigger.

I get that it is difficult. Cars were dad's whole personality. My dad carried on about driving until the day he died. The very last conversation I had with him hours before he passed was about promising to bring his Ford to the MCF so he'd have wheels if he wanted to go somewhere.

Good luck.
HB

Driving is so much more than getting lost or a minor fender bender. His reaction time is probably slower, traffic laws can be confusing for a pwd (there is a lot going on at a four way stop), visual depth perception can be affected and timing can be off. It’s about more than the worry of a lawsuit. A child that runs out into the road unexpectedly could be killed. In my opinion you need to error on the side of caution. Taking the keys after an accident is too late!