Negativity

MobbyGirl

My DH has been diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment by his primary care physician. So far, this has been really hard. I wrote a list of all the behaviors I see at home, it is not his memory it is “faulty” thinking. I gave my list secretly to the neurologist’s medical assistant to give to the doctor. Then the doctor puts in my DH’s medical online report, which he reads, “wife believes he has cognitive decline” , but the doctor’s 15 minute exam did not find anything abnormal. Just age related changes in brain.What!!! I live with it 24/7. Anyway, I will try to find a new neurologist . In the meantime, DH is so negative. He has a negative response to everything. If I say “ it will stop raining soon”, he will say” no it will not” . Everything is a negative response. Is this mental decline or just an 77 year old being difficult? I’m really tired of it. Sorry for venting.

Ed's mom

It's mental decline. I would have been wishy washy saying that before but two months with these great people is a lifetime education. We've stopped the mindless, circular arguing and finally with my notebook our PCP is onboard MRI and testing at a geriatric neurologist and team assessment. Not until September but it's taken years to get everyone on board. Stick around, you'll like it here because you hear experience and decide yourself. We who live with them know years before.

ronda b

My DH was like that for while. Everything i sad was wrong or what I did was wrong. He's not to bad about it now, thank goodness. Hopefully it won't last to much longer. I also had the dr start him on seroquel with did help alot.

trottingalong

You live it, so you know something is different. In the earlier days my husband and I bickered constantly. I said red, he said blue. Didn’t matter what. It’s odd how these things work and can be confusing and frustrating.

Victoriaredux

Your husband may be saying negative things because he feels changes in his brain and it scares him - who has training or understanding that that may be happening to themselves - so he expresses the worry the best he can - which are negative comments .

Maybe see if when he expresses a contrary thought you play along- You- rain is stopping Him- no it isn't You- oh ok how about we have hot cocoa then and watch out the window for a rainbow, be nice to sit together and watch the rain come down

harshedbuzz

@MobbyGirl

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for the reason you are here but pleased you found us.

Dementia is about so much more the mere memory. Changes that appear very early in the disease process include a loss in reasoning/higher order thinking, the loss of empathy, a loss of social filter, personality and mood changes. Early on, people with cognitive changes may recognize the changes and develop a situational depression/anxiety as a result. In men, depression/anxiety is expressed as irritability.

FWIW, I noticed my own dad's personality really go to the dark side. We never really got along, but around 2005 he became edgier to downright mean with other people. It wasn't until 2008 that I saw obvious memory issues. These were initially expressed as conflated memories— he'd recall some awful thing my sister or his sister had done and swear it was me who did it.

Was this neurologist a specialist in dementia? Were any tests done? CT scan/MRI and blood work for hormone and vitamin deficiencies as well as Lyme if common where you live should be done to rule out other, potentially treatable conditions that mimic cognitive changes. Ideally, you'd want full neuropsych testing by a psychologist which can tease out changes in thinking and processing as well as memory. A university affiliated program might be a good option, especially if you are interested in trying a newer infused medication.

That said, it is super common for a physician to give the MCI diagnosis at a first appointment, wait for 6-12 months to elapse and revisit the diagnosis again if there's been progression. DBAT can help you understand how his symptoms and behaviors fit into the stages of progression.

DBAT (7) (1).pdf

Your reporting is valuable to the narrative and is likely going to be a part of the medical record. It might be best to keep him out of the e-chart.

I found this short download helpful in terms of finding compassion in dealing with my very challenging dad.

understanding-the-dementia-experience (3).pdf

HB

H1235

Before my mom was diagnosed I noticed she was having trouble paying bills and making very very poor decisions. She bought paint so she could paint her 2 story garage. She was almost 80 at the time. When she locked her keys in the car she walked home vs calling for help. Her memory wasn’t too bad, so it took me a while to think dementia. When I took her in to the pcp, they did the quick 5 minute test. The pcp sad she was fine, just normal aging. I insisted on a referral to a neurologist. Thankfully they humored me. The neurologist did 2 hours of testing. At the end she said mom had dementia and it was far enough along that she was not safe to live alone and she said she should not drive. She also suggests we see a lawyer as soon as possible. Because memory was not her primary symptom they suspended vascular dementia. She had more testing and some follow ups to confirm. I would encourage you to look for a different doctor. You know your husband better than a doctor that spends 5 minutes testing him. If you don’t have legal matters in order, now is the time. Many with dementia have anosognosia. This is an inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. It might be best to just present this to your husband as something that should be done since you are both getting older. I hope you can get some answers soon.

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

Michele P

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76514/negativity

Welcome. My husband who has MCI was told by multiple doctors that he was fine and nothing was wrong. You live with your husband and know something is wrong. I would find another neurologist and a neuropsychiatrist who can properly evaluate your husband with hours vs 15 minutes of testing. Push for bloodwork to test for Alzheimer’s, and an MRI and PET scan of his brain. These tests will confirm any neurodegenerative disease. In most cases, MCI is caused by an underlying neurodegenerative disease such as Alzheimer’s. Keep a notebook with notes of all symptoms. In the meantime, if you have not seen an Elder Law attorney, do so asap to get legal documents in order while your husband can still sign them along with signed Hippa forms so that you can access his doctors.

storycrafter

My husband with FTD was first referred to a psychiatrist for meds management. (We could not get in to see a neurologist for several months, but were able to see the psychiatrist to help with meds to manage symptoms.) The meds began helping immediately. It took a few months to adjust and tweak things. Meanwhile I kept a log of behavior changes I was seeing; shared it with the psychiatrist who suspected dementia and immediately referred us to a neuropsych for testing. The neuropsych doctor said my written log was very helpful to his diagnosis. It's excellent you have kept a log. Share it with all the doctors as you navigate the medical system. Wishing you good luck in finding a doctor who "gets it." May you get the help and support you need.

cavenson

A long time ago, I took my mother to her PCP and confidentially told the nurse my concerns about her cognitive impairment. After the visit, the doctor walked out with my mother and said to her, “Your daughter thinks you’re having trouble remembering things, but I think you’re doing fine.” He then turned to me and said, “You’re lucky to have her genes.” She died due to Alzheimer’s a dozen years later. Ten years ago, my DH was concerned that he was having trouble with his memory. His PCP told him it was probably normal aging since people who have Alzheimer’s don’t usually express it to their doctors. However, my DH actually wanted testing, which was done at a nearby medical school’s memory clinic. He has had CAT scans and a PET scan. Initially, he was diagnosed with MCI, but that was changed to Alzheimer’s after 3 years. As others on this site have said, your PCP may not be equipped to make a diagnosis. You’re with your DH 24/7, and the behaviors you observe are far more reliable than what a PCP sees in a 10-minute test. See a neurologist to get answers and find out what the next step should be.

MobbyGirl

To everyone who responded to my post, Thank you!! I am crying happy tears with gratitude right now. When I wrote the post it was in the dark of night as I laid in bed frustrated, tired, confused, and hurting. Alone. Thank you for taking the time to let me know I am not alone and giving me hope and encouragement.