Looking for Some Advice

NomeSurveyor

My DW is 65 years (6 years my junior) and I'm afraid she is having real difficulties with her memories. I need to get her to agree to an exam, but she won't even discuss it. How do I convince her that getting her help now will make things easier later? BTW: I am the poorest kinda caregiver but I love her too much to not find her some help.
I have an appointment with my (our) doctor later this week. We both see him so maybe he can help? What do ya'll think?

H1235

Welcome. I would suggest you make an appointment for her and tell her she is due for a check up, or the doctor called and wants to see her to check on her whatever (blood pressures, blood sugar ). You might fill the doctor in on your ruse as long as you are seeing the doctor anyway. Don’t try to convince her, it just won’t work. Many with dementia suffer from anosognosia. This is an inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. A pcp will probably do just a very quick test. This is not going to tell you much. In fact my mom showed no problems at all. I insisted she be referred to a neurologist. After the 2 hour test with the neurologist they said she was not safe to drive and should not live alone. Don’t get your hopes up as far as treatment goes, there is really not much that can be done. Dementia is about so much more than a bad memory. I will attach a staging tool that may help. Some of the things I noticed- lack of empathy, poor judgment, short attention span, problems with priorities, confusion with tasks that should be easy, decreased logic and reasoning, personality changes, very picky about food, unsteady on her feet. Bringing her symptoms up in front of her in the doctors office will probably not go well. You might use a patient portal to give the doctor this information. Even write everything out on paper and give to the receptionist. You might talk with the doctor at your appointment about the best way to get him/her information before her appointment. You will want to make sure all legal matters are in order. You need a DPOA! If you haven’t done this yet, tell her it’s because you are both getting older. I would NOT bring up her memory issues (it will just upset her). As a general rule it’s best to just do what need to be done (even if it requires you to fib or be less than honest) without trying to convince her or get her to understand.

DBAT.pdf

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

https://iona.org/therapeutic-fibs-ok/

SusanB-dil

Hello and welcome. Also - have the doc also check for anything else, such as Lyme disease, thyroid issues, or many other things that can cause issues that mimic dementia.

Sometimes you may have to let the doc know in advance what the situation all is. Most Dr's will work with you. You can let them know with a note or maybe the patient portal.

Hopefully, your doc is understanding, because unfortunately, some will all of a sudden have a confrontation in front of our LO. Not pretty, but it has happened. (Just an awareness)

Hope it all goes well for you both.