How to handle their distrust of doctors

lilacgirl

I had a care meeting for my mom at her ALF last week, and they want to have her PCP (who is part of the ALF) evaluate a few things, including her debilitating back pain, her anxiety, and her evening depression, which is probably some form of sundowning. They also want to do some further cognitive screening.

They let her know today that the doctor will see her tomorrow afternoon. They told her it was a "follow up" appointment. This really confused her, because she had an initial appointment with him back in April and she doesn't remember any of it. So she keeps saying, "A follow-up to WHAT? I'm fine!"

In fact, she is really, really pissed that she has to go to this appointment at all. She says, "I have my own doctor back home," and, "If I wanted to see a doctor, I would make an appointment myself," and "Why can't they just leave me alone?" She thinks I am in cahoots with the doctor and telling him all these things that are wrong with her. (She's not wrong!) She is so up in arms, she says she is going to move out and go back home.

Obviously, that is not going to happen, but that doesn't make it less upsetting when she says it. But what I'm most concerned about is, how are we going to get any cooperation from her at the doctor? I am going to accompany her (although she said, "They think I'm a little baby that has to have my daughter go with me!") but I am not going to say much at the appointment. I need her to trust me.

They ideally would like to have her do a little PT for her back pain and switch up some meds to help her other issues, but I think she is going to push back pretty hard on all fronts. I really hate this stage, where she is too "with it" to really effectively us a therapeutic fib on her. And I hate anosognosia so much!!!! It's the worst thing about this disease to me because it's so hard to help someone who doesn't think they need help.

JulietteBee

@lilacgirl, truer words have never been spoken. This apparently is the caregivers' head-banging stage. I am in it with you. Hugs!🫂

"I really hate this stage, where she is too "with it" to really effectively us a therapeutic fib on her. And I hate anosognosia so much!!!! It's the worst thing about this disease to me because it's so hard to help someone who doesn't think they need help."

H1235

I agree anosognosia is the worst! I wish I had an answer for you. Mom has said the doctors that diagnosed her didn’t know what they were doing, gets mad and rolls her eyes when we remind her to use her cane, refuses to wear compression sock or elevate her legs, eats any dessert put in front of her and refuses to exercise. She has eczema on her hands so bad it is cracking and bleeding, but doesn’t seem to bother with lotion. She has even questioned why she needs a medication or how often she should be getting it. In the beginning (shortly after diagnosis ) I felt like I had to make sure these things were done, because it was my responsibility. I eventually discovered I can’t make her do anything even if it’s for her own good. I feel like I have no control over someone I’m supposed to be responsible for. It’s so hard.

ltbub0418

I’m right there with you. My Dd agreed not to drive since the doctor diagnosed him as stage 4 dementia. I told him the car insurance wouldn’t cover him if someone else hit his car while he was driving and he was ok with that. Now all of a sudden (like a switch went off) “The doctor has no idea what she is talking about and he is fine to drive” I’m guessing this is the beginning of anosognosia. Ugh