I am new to all of this.

David White

My wife has been suffering short term memory loss for a few years and though I tried she would not see a doctor. Earlier this month she had a massive delusion. Forgot who I was after 49 years of marriage or that we have lived in our home for over 20 years. We went to the ER and I am still waiting to get a neurologist referral from a bran new PCP. I am in over my head as to what to expect or how to really handle day-to-day problems. I have learned to be reassuring, non-argumentative and to stay calm. Who else out there is in my same boat or has experienced something similar?

BikingOldMan

Who? Probably most of us have similar experience with the behavior, but having no doctor appointments, it sounds to me like you are very much behind the eight ball. Is she on any medication or her memory issues?

trottingalong

It sounds as though your wife is on the slippery slope of advancing quicker. For me personally, neurologists have been a waste of time. My PCP has been far more helpful and understanding. By far the best information and help has come from this site and the people who have dealt with what we are going through. If you have a good primary for yourself, make an appt to discuss your dilemma and options.

H1235

I’m going to give you a bunch of resources to read through. I hope something here is helpful.

understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf

Anosognosia and Dementia - AgingCare.com.pdf

DBAT.pdf

https://iona.org/therapeutic-fibs-ok/

beachwalker5

I'm in the same boat as you brother, three years of progressive memory loss symptoms in my DW coming to a head eight months ago with a possible MCI diagnosis from her PCP after a state "mini" cognitive test as part of an annual wellness appointment. PCP referred my DW to several neuro docs for a consult. My DW exhibits strong anosognosia and so it's been a battle to get her into the neuro consult. She finally gave in after my pleading that she "do it for me". We're in the midst of testing now and I optimistically hope they find some "treatable" cause for her memory loss/ cognitive impairment. Probably a long-shot…..she's been checking the majority of boxes up to stage 3-4 on the DBAT chart.

"I have learned to be reassuring, non-argumentative and to stay calm."

Keep up the good work!!!! Hopefully your DW's personality hasn't occasionally slipped into an out-of-character verbally abusive stranger. If she does, don't take it personally, try to grow a thick skin, don't react, reassure her with love and support, tell her "you'll always have her back".

I also highly recommend joining a local caregivers support group if you can. I have learned so much from others further along in this journey in the group I participate in as well as from this forum. Hang in there friend, everyone here cares and wants to share experiences and help each other, keep "staying calm and carrying on".

Maru

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/76636/i-am-new-to-all-of-this

To follow up on BikingOldMan's comment of you being behind the eight ball, have you got your legal work in order? If not, get it done now. DPOA and a MPA. It may or may not be too late for your DW to legally sign anything, but my guess is that there are times when she might be lucid enough. My DH still knows who I am but there is confusion about grandchildren, nieces and nephews so I reckon I will get there before long. Best of luck, you are about to get a quick education on the meaning of love.

dcare45

I'm glad you posted to this site and sorry you had a reason to.

A good thing about this site is that most things I was going to comment have pretty much been stated. We are in this together. I highly encourage getting your legal affairs in order while you have a chance and educating yourself in what behaviors are coming through you tube videos, reading, support groups etc. because they are coming.

We didn't wait for a neurologist referral. I scheduled one myself and honestly it was not that helpful. We went through rudimentary testing for a diagnosis of late-stage MCI. Yeah, no kidding. More in depth testing for a diagnosis of stage whatever Alzheimer. Yeah, no kidding what do I do? Well, when DW starts having hallucinations we can give her meds. Not much help. One of the best tips I ever had was from talking to the people at the Adult Enrichment Center about medication for anxiety. They clued me into what other clients had done for their LO in the same situation. I had to suggest the med to the neurologist office. We have not given up on PCP or Neurologist; we just don't count on them for solutions.

I guess what I am rambling on about is staying in touch with the community that is actually living it. I believe that not all health care pros are as keenly focused on Dementia as we are. In fairness being a PCP or a Neurologist covers a lot of ground. Most of the day-to-day issues have been handled by trial and error with good hints from sites like this. Stay in touch and check in often.

Sunfish47

Most of us are in the same boat, or will be eventually, as short term and then even long term memories are lost. My DH no longer knows me as his wife although we’ve been married almost 50 years. He no longer knows our daughters or our grandchildren, despite being previously involved almost daily in their lives. It’s sad but we have all come to accept this situation.
Last night DH asked me (for the umteenth time) “do you have any children?”
We see DH’s younger brother, who he has known since he was 4, every couple months and I think he still remembers his brother, or at least that he has a brother.

David White

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/278158#Comment_278158

Yes I am behind, and trying to catch up. No meds of any kind - ever.

David White

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/278201#Comment_278201

I have the powers of attorney and am using them to get her medical records. You are spot on about love and devotion for better or worse.