Moving things out of my sister's apt.

vpaxton

My sister with Alzheimer's has been in assisted living now for 3 months. It was rough going getting her in. For weeks she wanted to return to her apartment where she lived alone. She now seems happy and settled and is willing to give up her apartment. We plan to move her things out next month. My question, should I let her return to pick up more things she wants or should I try to keep her from going to her apartment. I am afraid of what her reactions may be like wanting to stay to picking out too many things we can't possibly take to her assisted living place. I could try to get a list from her but also don't know how to avoid taking her to the apartment at the same time. Thank you in advance for any advice.

Damiross

I asked the people at my wife's memory center about the advisability of letting Cathy go home for a few minutes to see the cats. They said it wasn't a good idea.

I would take pictures of some things and show them to your sister. See how she reacts to them. I also talked to her in general terms to see what she likes and doesn't like. This way you can get an idea of what to bring her.

terei

IME taking her back there is inviting conflict and agitation. She probably wont understand why she cant bring whatever she wants back with her and it would not be surprising that she does not want to return to the facility. If that comes to be, you will be back at square one with her when you take her back.

vpaxton

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/280016#Comment_280016

Thank you this is exactly what I was thinking so thank you for validating that.

vpaxton

Thank you so much. And thank you for the advise about the pictures. It must be really hard with pets she wants to see.

ARIL

Chiming in to agree. I moved my dad from his home to AL then to MC and later to another MC. Each step but the last required downsizing. We managed on an out-of-sight-out-of-mind plan each time: I made all the decisions about what was brought and what was not, and we never took him back to a previous residence for any reason. I honestly can’t imagine doing it differently. I am sure he would have wanted to stay in his house—believing he’d be just fine.

Damiross

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/280021#Comment_280021

My pleasure.

When she asks about her pets, I point her to one of the stuffed animals. She accepts, or at least seems to because she will pick up whichever one I am pointing to,

caregiving daughter

I would say no. She might actually be fine during the visit, but the day after, her mind may bring a tremendous amount of stress. You are in a new chapter. Focus on her current living arrangements.