RIP Dad

Hollopeter3

Good morning ALZ family!

It is with heavy heart that we have finally put my Dad to rest after what seemed to be a short battle with VD. It became very evident to my sisters and I, in May of this year, that he was declining and could no longer be cared for by our mother so he was placed in a facility for "rehab". From there he declined so fast it was hard to keep up with what was happening. In our state there are not may facilities that offer help to those patients with aggression caused by the dementia, so he bounced in and out of ER rooms, hospital stays and in his final days, an adult psychiatric ward. It was a very heartbreaking experience for us all and eye opening to the neglect this disease gets in the medical world we live in here in the United States.

His diagnosis was missed by several doctors and with HIPPA, if it was caught, no one knew so we could start getting help sooner. Looking back there were signs of his decline for years, we just didn't see it and if we did, we chocked it up to him being an a**hole. He was always a sarcastic person and full of colorful words, but in the last few years it became hateful and hard to deal with so my sisters and I chose not to deal. We missed out on so much time because we didn't know. My mom dealt with it and hated him most of the time, she was close to divorce right before his diagnosis. There has to be a better way to get in front of this, it seems like a lot of people chase the disease instead of deal with it upfront.

I hope that he knew that he was indeed loved, even if the last few years seemed hard and distant from everyone. My advise to anyone who is seeking help is to make the most of the time you have left, even if you feel overwhelmed, stressed, or angry, because there is always time for that later, but when your loved one is still with you, don't waste your time on the things you cannot control, spend it with the ones you love and making sure they know that they are indeed loved.

The other thing I have learned is communication is key, keep those lines open, make plans together and don't let pride or secrecy stand in your way. The more your loved ones know the more they can help and when you do leave this world the more they can honor your last wishes. Never leave them with a pile of unknown to handle, there is so much that happens when a person is gone that they don't need the extra headaches to handle on top of it all.

Thank you for being here for me during this time in my life! I appreciate what each and every one of you do on a daily basis. Keep fighting the good fight, it means more than you know to those around you. Love deep, love hard, and they will forever know.

Anonymousjpl123

I’m so sorry for your loss. This disease is a kick in the pants no matter what and for a difficult parent it can be brutal - for parent and adult children. I’m so sorry your dad and family went through that. Yes, early in my mom’s disease it was nearly impossible for me to get clear answers even a diagnosis even though her dementia was so very obvious to anyone near her. It’s good you did what you could to get your dad care. And your advice is so important. I hope you can find some rest and peace.

cdgbdr

I'm so sorry for your loss and what you all went through. My DH is in memory care, and like you, I can see there were signs that I attributed to him being a difficult person.

.Becky.

I'm so very sorry that the last few years were so hard for you. I am glad your dad is now at peace. I am glad your mom, and your family no longer has this burden. It is impossible to know where being an ass ends and dementia begins. Your story is painfully relatable. I see your story, and light a candle for you. Sending you strength and hugs.

SusanB-dil

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Agree, a lot more needs to be done in the medical world. Please don't be kicking yourself (I know, easier said than done) but seriously, you didn't know.

((hugs))

Daisy4U

So sorry for your loss @Hollopeter3! Thank you for special words of wisdom - from one who's loved also passed away after a dizzyingly rapid decline. I hope you find rest and peace in the coming days.

Hollopeter3

Thank you all for your kind words! This group is GREAT and I will forever be thankful for all the support and knowledge that I gained here. Hugs to all!! ❤️