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new here and it's already bad

flicchic
flicchic Member Posts: 3
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in Caring for a Parent

Hey yall!

So, my dad's had signs of alzheimers/dementia for ages. But I moved in with him almost a yr ago, and when he got violent I immediately scheduled him an appt with his Dr...my dad's never put his hands on me. Ffw to 2 months ago, and i finally got himdiagnosed and medicated. Well, a week ago, he got violent again, in front of my 10 yr old daughter.

Apparently, since I shared his diagnosis with his absentee brother, my uncle has gotten my dad to sign POA docs, and his absentee sister has taken him to look at luxury apartments so the siblings can sell his home and put my daughter and me out on the streets. My dad has 3 living children and I'm his caretaker. I never wanted his situation to get as ugly as its gotten.

If anyone has any tips, tricks, life hacks, advice...im all ears!

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

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  • Emily 123
    Emily 123 Member Posts: 831
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    Is the date on the POA later than the date of the diagnosis?

    If that's the case then you could pursue a guardianship, because he didn't have the capacity to make the decisions re: POA. I would defer to others here with more knowledge of that process.

  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
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    Welcome to the forum, there's a lot to unpack in your post. the whole question of violence is a big one in and of itself, and having a child involved makes it even more crucial that it be handled correctly.

    Then there are the legal and financial issues you raise. Probably not a good idea to undertake caregiving jn the first place without having those questions answered, but that sounds like water under the bridge now. Almost certainly you need to talk to a certified elder law attorney asap about the issues and your options.

  • flicchic
    flicchic Member Posts: 3
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/174500#Comment_174500

    Thank you! The date on the POA is in fact after the diagnosis. My sisters and I have had to reach out to lawyers.

  • flicchic
    flicchic Member Posts: 3
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/174504#Comment_174504

    Thanks so much!

    The violence is making this whole situation nightmarish. My sisters and I have started looking for senior assisted facilities for him, while we attempt to handle the legal issues.

  • mommyandme (m&m)
    mommyandme (m&m) Member Posts: 1,468
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    Is his brother his POA as it stands now? Sounds like it. Family can sure wreak havoc while we try to care for our LO. I’m so sorry for this situation and journey you’re on. Please let us know how things are going and come back to share.

  • awomble
    awomble Member Posts: 3
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    Member

    I completely understand your dilemma. My brother was living with my mother. She was diagnosed in 2021 with dementia. Well fast forward a few years. In January, I had to go to court because we had a POA. My brother decided he wanted to fight me. Least to say he lost. But I am out $8,000 so far and counting. He failed to give her any medications and take her to doctor's appointments. The best thing to do is take it to court. Make sure you ask for conservatorship and guardianship so that you have access to any accounts and you have power of all finances, property, etc. If your sister is on board that is wonderful. Ask me anything you would like. In every county in Alabama, the process is different. So it has been a big adjustment for me.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more

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