My grandma repeats the same question 10+ times in a single day, even if I answered 1 min ago

Sage advice from graham.

I know it is hard to have patience, this coming from a man will very little patience; however, like graham said I owed a lot to my father. Yes she is not your mother, rather your grandmother; however, without her you would not be alive.

My dad asked the same question multiple times a day, and he even apologized for maybe asking me the same question; however, I just told him it was okay and he can ask me as many questions or the same questions all we he wants. Each time he asked the same question I remembered a time he was patient with me.

Perhaps remember ALL of the good things your grandmother did for you.

You do what you think is best for you and your mental health as well for you know yourself better than we do. If recording a video message works for you and helps keep you calm and not agitated, you do it. You know you are not doing it to be mean, cruel, nor dismissive; rather, you are doing it for your grandmother and for YOUR mental health.

Additionally, is it absolutely necessary to go into a lot of detail when your grandmother asks the question? She will forget what you tell her and oft times too much information is taxing on their brain. Perhaps figure out a shorter, simplier answer, or make up one that is funny for both of you (therapeutic lying), which is okay.

You are doing your best as we all did and are with this terrible disease.

May God's light guide your day and His spirit bring you peace.

Damion

My mom is still driving and lives with my dad and she is overall functioning very well on some levels. It's moreless she can no longer follow directions on a recipe and has lost all desire in almost everything. She use to keep her house very clean. Everything is overwhelming for her. Things she had an interest in she no longer does. She will repeat questions as to where someone is who was never there in the first place. She is functioning in the way that she worries about where my dad is at all times. She had paranoia before but know she follows him around and talks about him excessively.

You asked if she gets angry in the moment or things in the past - both. It does seem to be more in the past. Although there are some things in the moment as well. She has a lot of unnecessary anger towards her spouse/my dad. She also cut off all communication with her two sisters.

@lindseyl, I agree with the responses written here, and want to add one thing. When I used to lose patience, I would answer is a bored or impatient way. I understand that your LO may notice that, and feel like you don't care about them as much as you used to or as interested in them. From their point of view, even if they asked "what day of this week is this?" for the umpteenth time, they may think it's the first time they asked today.

I sometime wonder if they do remember they asked the question that day, but forgot the answer. Or forgot that they asked the question at all. I think it doesn't really matter a whole lot.

Another thing is that a form of dismissive response may seep into your interactions with other people. Maybe I answered with a sigh, or didn't look at them when I answered. Maybe I started to do that with other people, and that's not good with that relationship.

With regards to recording the question, I agree that it's not nice, and may help with your mood, from your grandma's point of view, it may be jarring or unsettling. I asked myself - what if someone showed me a picture of myself (let's say) sleepwalking and doing something really strange? I don't want someone doing that to me!

I realize that when you explain or answer a question to a child, one does that since it will help the person learn or grow. Unfortunately, that does not always happen with a LO with this condition, so I have to be accepting of the situation.

@lindseyl It's very difficult. It's so easy to say "be patient", but it can wear thin. Some hints:

1. Realize that your LO just doesn't remember. It's not like your LO is lazy and did not try to remember. So each time it is brand new in their view. That can help rationalize for you. There's a chance that your LO does remember asking the question before, but has forgotten the answer. So they may be hesitantly asking, knowing well that you may be annoyed. You want to be supportive.
2. Consider that it is similar to a child asking "Are we there yet?" repeatedly in a road trip. Most people don't get angry at that, right? But that case may be a bit different, since for a child, it may be a game or maybe even an attempt to annoy a parent, but your LO is not playing a game, and it is a sincere question. In either case, the person answering usually just goes with the flow and answers.
3. You can try to answer differently each time. That's more for your benefit to try to add variety to your answers. It can be a variation of "Therapeutic Fibbing (lying)" mentioned be others in this post. Of course, the answer ought to be reasonable, but you can add some variety to reduce your own stress. https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/health/info-2023/therapeutic-fibbing-dementia-communication.html

There are some other posts here on the same topic. One person said that if your LO declines further so no longer even asks the same question, one may long for the time when you did have to deal with that. A sad situation, but it can happen.

If you answer in a dismissive way, then from your LO's point of view, it looks like you don't care. So that may hurt them.

I realize it is painful for you, but I want to put myself in the LO's shoes too. If there is no way to remedy the situation, then the next best thing is to provide peace & comfort for your LO and yourself (and the caretakers)

It's hard to know what is in their minds. Sometimes, they may realize they do not want to be a burden to you, and I want to show that I do enjoy answering and helping out.

edit: replaced a link to rightathome.com which no longer works with a link to an AARP article on therapeutic fibbing.

I updated my earlier post with a link to https://www.rightathome.net/nassau-suffolk/blog/therapeutic-fibbing-and-dementia-patients which does not work anymore, but there is an AARP article with similar info at

It is so sad and so hard. Sometimes you just have to check out and think of other things and just give the verbal prompts. I miss my mom and know that if she could see how she does this, she would be so sad and embarrassed. It truly robs the patient's of their dignity. Having a hard day today.