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Sandy's Anniversary

Army_Vet60
Army_Vet60 Member Posts: 11
10 Comments 5 Insightfuls Reactions 5 Likes 5 Care Reactions
Member
edited September 2023 in Caring For a Spouse or Partner


Comments

  • ThisLife
    ThisLife Member Posts: 254
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Care Reactions 100 Comments 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Army_Vet60,

    What a heartfelt poem and a beautiful tribute to your wife. I wish you peace in the future and continuing beautiful memories.

  • Ed1937
    Ed1937 Member Posts: 5,084
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Likes 250 Care Reactions
    Member

    Thank you for such a sobering poem. Beautifully written. It's been 14 months for me, and I wish you would drop in more often. We miss you.

  • Joydean
    Joydean Member Posts: 1,497
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Care Reactions 100 Likes
    Member

    Thank you for sharing your poem with us! Your love for Sandy is felt in each word. You are missed, but hope life is good for you.

  • Army_Vet60
    Army_Vet60 Member Posts: 11
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/181674#Comment_181674

    Hi Ed,

    I needed to step away from here and make some changes in my personal life.

    I had to end some relationships and find new people and places who had no connection to Sandy.

    Eventually I made new friends at social dances a met a widow at one and we've been a work in progress for the last 10 months. We understand we other's loss and grieving and what we can give to each other.

    I'm not sure this new site is an improvement....

  • Dio
    Dio Member Posts: 682
    500 Comments 100 Care Reactions 100 Likes Second Anniversary
    Member

    Beautiful poem! So good to hear from you, and glad you're moving on. Don't let this new site keep you away. I've gotten used to it. Wishing you the very best in your next journey...

  • SDianeL
    SDianeL Member Posts: 887
    500 Care Reactions 250 Likes 500 Comments 100 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    such a beautiful poem! Such a beautiful tribute to your Sandy. My DH is 78 and is in Stage 5, going into Late Stage 5. I'm saving your poem.

  • Army_Vet60
    Army_Vet60 Member Posts: 11
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    edited August 2023
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/181756#Comment_181756
    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/181756#Comment_181756

    Hi Diane,

    Thank you! I'm happy that poem connected with you.

    When my wife passed away in August 4 years ago, I was lost and went into Grief counseling for nearly 18 months.

    The counselor tried a number of approaches to help me cope with Sandy's death and express my pain. I was a published poet for several years in my 20s and started writing poems as therapy and to honor Sandy.

    I posted some of the poems here in hopes Caregivers who weren't in Stage 8 would benefit from my experience.

    I hope the poem you saved can benefit you as you continue on your path with your DH.

  • Caro_Lynne
    Caro_Lynne Member Posts: 347
    100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Care Reactions First Anniversary
    Member

    Army Vet, what a beautiful way to honor your DW Sandy! Made my heart skip a beat reading your poem and imagining the love you still have for your DW. You are gifted with the ability to put your feelings into heartfelt poems that touch others. Thank you for sharing your gift xo

  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,721
    1,500 Care Reactions 1,500 Likes 5000 Comments 1,000 Insightfuls Reactions
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    AV so glad to hear from you. Time flies.

  • clndaniels
    clndaniels Member Posts: 21
    10 Comments 5 Care Reactions First Anniversary
    Member

    Your poem really resonated with me. I just lost my DH on August 5. He was diagnosed 6 years ago so we have been on this journey awhile, but I really didn’t expect death to come so soon. His health was fairly good but swallowing had become a problem and he aspirated something and without extreme measures would not have recovered. We sat with him for 6 days as he languished. I know he is now whole again, but I miss him terribly, not what he had become recently, but what he was before Alzheimer’s.

  • Joe C.
    Joe C. Member Posts: 944
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Care Reactions 100 Likes
    Member

    Army Vet, Nice to see your post & know you are doing OK. Your poem is certainly a tribute to your relationship you had with your wife.

  • Jeff86
    Jeff86 Member Posts: 684
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Care Reactions 25 Likes
    Member

    Beautiful sentiments, Army Vet. Your deep love for Sandy was always evident in your posts. I’m sorry the grieving has been so difficult, but glad you have begun to emerge and are making a new life. Visit us when you feel able to.

  • Last Dance
    Last Dance Member Posts: 135
    Legacy Membership 100 Comments 5 Insightfuls Reactions 5 Care Reactions
    Member

    Army Vet60, I have wondering how you have been. I know that you had life struggles. I loved your poem I could feel your love for Sandy and life in it. I am happy that you have found a new way in life. Life has not been kind to me, for the last 3 years I was my only daughters caregiver as she struggled with cancer. she passed away on May 28, 2023 so for me the struggles of dealing with another loss love has started all over again.

  • Army_Vet60
    Army_Vet60 Member Posts: 11
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/181859#Comment_181859

    Last Dance,

    I can't find the right words to express my sorrow for your loss. Losing a child is unimaginable for a parent.

  • ButterflyWings
    ButterflyWings Member Posts: 1,752
    500 Likes Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Insightfuls Reactions
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    ArmyVet - thank you for sharing such precious poetry honoring your Sandy and all that she means to you. I am happy that you have a new connection to explore as it helps to move forward with someone who understands.

    I appreciate your beautiful gift. We are dipping a toe into Stage 7 and some days I realize this could be the last one. There is no way to prepare for what is happening with the daily losses, nor what is to come. Thank you for sharing your feelings and your process. It helps when the sobering reality hits me out of nowhere, more often right now.

    BTW, I am not a fan of the website changes either, mainly as many posts seem to have been lost. But the lifelines and bonds with forum mates makes it an irreplaceable resource so I am glad you posted.

  • Army_Vet60
    Army_Vet60 Member Posts: 11
    10 Comments 5 Insightfuls Reactions 5 Likes 5 Care Reactions
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    edited September 2023

    Butterfly Wings,

    Thank you for responding. It means alot to me.

    I don't know exactly what to say about stage 7.

    Your LO may say or do things completely out of character to you, but please remember you are loved, and it is the disease.

    Stage 8 is a rebirth of sorts. It's a brave new world for the caregivers who survive losing a loved one to Alzheimers.

    Again, thank you for responding.

  • White Crane
    White Crane Member Posts: 851
    Seventh Anniversary 250 Care Reactions 500 Comments 100 Likes
    Member

    Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful poem to your dear Sandy. I have wondered about you at times and am glad to see your post.

    Brenda

  • amicrazytoo
    amicrazytoo Member Posts: 169
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    Member

    I am amazed at how this site has changed. It has been 21 months since DH entered into stage 8. I have occasionally stopped by and snooped around. It was so very hard at first to come here and feel the pain that the one's not yet to stage 8 were feeling, I was too raw. I am better now, although I would give anything to have him back, I may have hated him and the disease, but I loved him more. He was my soul mate. It warms my heart to know that ones who have been down this path keep coming back. To those still in the thick of it, I offer you (((HUGS))) Enjoy every moment, every laugh, every tear. They will sustain you on the other side.

  • Army_Vet60
    Army_Vet60 Member Posts: 11
    10 Comments 5 Insightfuls Reactions 5 Likes 5 Care Reactions
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/182278#Comment_182278

    "He was my soul mate."

    That is my major concern about being in Stage 8. Losing my soul mate.

    I feel like Stage 8 is being stuck living 'day after day'.

    I hope there is a Stage 9 that involves experiencing happiness again without being haunted by the past.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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