Siblings involvement in parental care

yes. It happens fairly often. Sometimes the family has had dysfunction and estrangement already. Other times family members just can’t deal with the changes in their parents, live too far away to help or aren’t equipped to deal with the physical, emotional, mental or financial burden. Or their home isn’t set up for it.

There are a few things you can do if it’s only a distance/home set up issue. The sibling could handle finances, or do research into future placement possibilities, maybe take a week a year in caregiving respite for the primary caregiver.

There’s not much you can do for the other reasons. You can’t force someone to participate in care. You could send messages or emails keeping them aware of things. You can let them know that refusal to help means your parent will be going into a facility sooner than otherwise because you can’t be the primary caregiver for whatever reason.

Many caregivers end up not speaking to their siblings because of the pain and anger from doing it all themselves. some of the caregivers here not only don’t get help… they get interference from the siblings that won’t help.

Yes Sarah, I am the youngest of 4 daughters. My dad passed 11 years ago. Shortly there after, my husband and I began looking after my mom so she wouldn’t be alone. She spent the nights with us as they were hard on her and I would take her back to her home during the day while I was at work. After 3 years of that, we sold our home using the proceeds from the sale to re build my moms home which was very dilapidated. (It was my childhood home). We assumed the out standing debt with the agreement from my sisters that the house would be put in our name and not become part of the trust. My husband, teenage daughter and I moved in after a years worth of construction. About 5 years ago my mom was diagnosed with ES . After a hospital stay due to Covid 2 years ago moms dementia has accelerated. She requires someone to be with her 24/7 She no longer talks and cries inconsolably for hours throughout the day.

I have help from my eldest sister for 9 hours a week. I do pay her $20 an hour.”. As this debilitating disease progresses, I have reached out to my other two sisters for help. One sister does not respond at all until I ask three times. Her excuse is my house is not set up for Mom. Sorry. The other sister responds via email that she is sorry we are having a rough time and she just cannot figure out the logistics of how she could possibly help. I have suggested many ways of how they could both help just to be shot down. My conclusion is that if I can learn to expect nothing from them, I won’t be as disappointed when I get just that. It saddens me that it is all too common for the majority ,or the entire responsibility of caring for a parent often lands in the hands of one child. May God give you the courage, strength, and patience you will need for this journey.

This has been so helpful! My mom had a stroke which accelerated her Dementia. I am lucky that it happened over the summer as I am a teacher and could be with her and my dad everyday. When school resumed, I had to return to my home--300 miles away--so am only able to visit once a month to help my dad. My two brothers, who live within 10- 50 miles away never even visit. I totally don't understand this!!!
Reading other people's frustration is very comforting!!!