It's been a while

When I have been faced with a similar scenario, I chose the option that would give me the most peace after the other person passed. I find it easier to live with the fewest regrets possible.

I had a sister who was not a decent human. She was an unfaithful partner, abusive parent, liar, thief, addict and all around unpleasant. She was dying from complications of AIDS in the months before my son was born. I visited her in the hospital several times a week to bring her homemade ice cream and cigarettes. Her current boyfriend was dying in another hospice, my dad couldn't bring himself to see her, and mom was so busy caring for my traumatized nieces that she rarely came. I don't know whether she enjoyed seeing me, but she did like the break in the ice cream and not having to bargain with an over-burdened nurse for an escort to the smoking area outside.

You can't know if your mom would have remembered you had you not put visits on pause. Visits were so complicated in the earlier phases of the pandemic and not always easy for PWD who didn't barriers or recognize people wearing masks.

A dear friend of mine's mom was diagnosed with dementia around the time my dad was. We often met to compare notes over Mexican food. She moved her mom in with her and provided much of the hands-on care. Over time, mom forgot who my friend was which was crushing. Mom bonded with her as she might a favored caregiver. One afternoon she told my friend all about her "own lovely daughter" in the most glowing terms and suggested that the two of them should meet as they would likely become best of friends.

HB

Hello Tlyoung. I do not think there is any right or wrong thing to do. Whatever you decide does not make you 'good' or 'bad'. I think it is only about what will give you peace. You do not need to explain yourself to anyone. I personally do not think it matters whether your parent will know who you are or not so I would not let your decision rest on that aspect. I would decide based on what YOU want and what feels right to YOU. You do not need to commit to a huge amount of time, or dedicate to any recurring schedule. You could visit once if you want, then assess how you feel and let that determine if or when you make another visit.