2 possible symptoms: Social withdrawal and hoarding, question about?

Typical early symptoms include a loss of empathy, so it would not be surprising to see someone with Alz running off people that are inconvenient (houseguests) while still anticipating that relatives would put them up if they traveled.

I don't know about hoarding, but people with Alz have very poor judgement, and money if often the first place that becomes evident. Explaining doesn't help. If you could explain things logically, the person wouldn't have Alzheimers! Keeping them away from finances is essential, whether they have been diagnosed or not.

Very hard to tell from what you're saying. Social withdrawal and wanting to control your finances are also potential signs of an abusive relationship.

Typical early dementia signs are repetitive questions, having trouble paying bills, getting lost going to familiar places, misplacing household objects.

I'm confused about the term,"capturing money, " but I agree a PWD should not have access to finances. Durable POA is essential. Also good to keep an eye on any separate accounts they may have. My DH had automatic payments deducted from his account for numerous magazines he never looked at.

Social skills fade with dementia, so it's hard to maintain relationships. My DH has no idea when he says something offensive. I question whether your DH is intentionally driving others away. My DH hasn't understood cause and effect for a long time. He just goes on with his life, as it is, and the chips fall where they may...

My step-dad’s symptoms are similar. Apathy, chooses to avoid socializing with others, and paranoia about money. Hadn’t ever written a check in his life, but transferred most of their money to an account solely in his own name after they had added me to the joint account. They added myself and my sister because Mom was showing the common symptoms of dementia and she could no longer be the bill payer. Four years later his symptoms are still the same, with some memory loss added in.

Tallyshooter, if you could get your PWD to see their PCP, they could check for the other health issues that can cause dementia like symptoms. Some of these other health issues are treatable. Depending on the circumstances, you could write up a list of the behaviors that you have seen and drop it off at the dr’s office before the PWD’s appt, explaining to the receptionist that the dr needs to read the info prior to the appt.

If your PWD is becoming aggressive, you need to seriously consider your safety. Have a plan and know what you will do if your safety is threatened. Keep your phone charged at all times and on your person. Have a safe room you can go to and lock yourself in. If possible, make that a room that would have access to the outside. Keep a small bag packed with essentials in the car. Have the car keys handy. Do NOT hesitate to call 911 if you are being threatened. If the aggressiveness is a sudden onset, it could be caused by a silent UTI (urinary tract infection). Or it could be dementia. Regardless, think about what you would do and then follow through. Stay safe!

@tallyshooter what is your PWD doing w the money you are providing? Is she using in a manner that is appropriate? Paying personal bills, buying groceries, investing in savings? Is money being used in a manner you can at least evaluate and ensure that it is being handled appropriately? Since you are expressing concern about your PWD and money, I assume they are not making good choices w the money. Do you have legal access to exercise control over her spending, saving or investing? As mentioned earlier, if she is being scammed or making bad choices it may be time to begin to decrease and/or eliminate the allowance while you take care of financial obligations she currently has. That would be a best next step whether she is diagnosed w dementia, another condition, or just being eccentric.

Hi Tally,

I could be wrong, but based on what you've posted it sounds like some of your person's "original" personality has some similarities to what's going on now. This is hard. Usually when we think about dementia or alzheimers we sort of think of the other person you mentioned who strolled the backyard naked. Before we've gone through it directly and experienced the progression it can be hard to see how things are connected.

My mom and I suspected my dad had been having some sort of cognitive decline since 2019 (I'd thought it had started earlier). My mom married my dad when he was 56 and he's now 83, so it's really possible that he's been showing symptoms for almost the entire time I've been alive (I'm 27). I'm bringing this up to talk about the social withdrawal.

All of the "bad" personality traits of my dad have become the predominant parts of his "dementia personality". He's moody, caustic, he shuts down when he gets upset, he's withdrawn and doesn't want any visitors - which are all possible symptoms of dementia but also just sort of how he'd always been but worse. Which is what made it hard for us to be sure. And now it's hard to know what's dementia and what's his personality. I'm trying my best to see everything as dementia because it makes those jagged pills (the meanness, the stubbornness) easier to swallow.

We were in the same boat you are with not knowing how to get him to a doctor for a diagnosis. My dad stopped going to the doctor and refused to even consider it starting in 2019. We played this awful waiting game for something 911-related to happen to where he would HAVE to go and we'd finally be able to get some medical care for him. (This is what happened this year when he fell and broke his hip).

I'm saying all of this to say: if you're able to get your person to the doctor, that's great. It doesn't necessarily mean things are going to be easier for you. The delusions and suspicions and paranoia will likely continue. Things aren't going to get "easier" if you choose to continue on as caregiver, but having the support and guidance of medical staff helps.

And I want to echo what everyone else has said: they probably shouldn't be driving and you need to have a plan to keep yourself safe.

Tally, you seem to be reluctant to accept that much of what you describe are things that you need to take charge of. Yet you say you don't want to "go nuclear". Well, this is what you have to do! But the members have strategies on how to make going nuclear less nuclear. It won't be easy, and it won't be a "one and done" sort of thing. You need to re-read and study the strategies that have been suggested to you. Nothing you have written is unusual, as you can see from the stories that the members relate.

You have not given your relationship. Are you in a position to have a legal power of attorney? This will be very important.

Iris

I could use a laugh.....