MC Placement - The Journey

Back to give an update. There are wins and challenges.

H has gotten physical with staff 3 times when they have had to get him to leave girlfriend's (J) room. They said if there another physical incident they will call police. The last incident occurred when her family from out of town arrived. He was in the room with J when family went arrived. I suspect this resulted in staff being more insistent as family probably was not happy.

Upping the Celexa helped immensely with the fixation on going home. He even agreed that he would like more of his person things brought in. They added lowest does of Depakote. I think this has helped in that there was a long gap between his 2nd and 3rd physical incident.

I visit weekly and usually take one of the dogs. Lasts about 30 minutes, by that time, he's wanting to get back to J. But I'm not dismissed because I won't take him home. Monthly I pick him up for a haircut, pedicure, and lunch. October was awful. By November meds had changed and it was a pleasant half day. December- J didn't want him to leave, and H wanted her to come with us. No from staff and me which did not go over well. I told him I was not allowed (as opposed to I wouldn't.) He pouted for 15 minutes and then it was forgotten. Hair and Pedi went fine. Lunch was going well. His conversation turned to liking to sleep nights in J's room. I decided to try to support facilities position on not being alone together in each other's room and not touching staff. He should just leave when staff asked. This devolved into nobody could tell him what to do. and what are they going to do" Kick me out?" Then I went off the rails with the response, "No, they will call the police and transport you to a psychiatric hospital." Fuming looks could kill expression, and I don't care about him. I returned an angry person to MC. Note to self -listen without trying to back staff up.

He called me later the same day checking in. He wanted to know what I had done the rest of the day meaning, I think, that he remembered that we had been together that day. And finished up with, "I'll talk to you later, Sis." ?!? Called the next day raving I need to get him out of there! He was caught in J's room and told to leave. I didn't receive a staff call so I guess no physical aggression.

For Christmas we were going to take him to son's house Christmas Eve for dinner and gifts. We will be visiting him in MC instead.

There are many pluses to H being in memory care. I have a life (sewing stockings for children's cancer hospital with a group at Joanne's.) Able to start home projects and stop when I need without putting everything away, so it doesn't disappear. Able to leave mail out until dealt with. Able to start a project without searching for needed items. Living in more than one room of the house. Not walking on eggshells and receiving anger all day long. No continual supervision of large toddler or dropping everything to attend to his needs NOW! Overall, much more relaxed and rested.

H's upside is being more social and involved in many activities. He is more relaxed and engaged.

Downside. Being less aware of actual functioning and daily needs. Not knowing what his current reality is when I visit. Finding topics to talk about that don't trigger negative emotions.

In reality, this disease leaves no room for good options. We agreed long before Alzheimer's that we would not want the other to spend 24/7 being caregiver with no other life for years. But the compromised brain can only experience the reality of its needs; that is all that is left.