Tried to explain to DW what’s going on!

I always just use the words ‘ memory issues often come with old age’. Or I just leap to asking ‘what has you confused or depressed … using whatever words they used’. If they express concern about something, I explain it as part of aging for many people. I never use the words Alzheimer’s or dementia. They won’t remember and they will only get upset when they hear it.

I don’t even use the official words when I discuss my mom’s situation with my step-dad. He denies that his mom and brother had dementia, so he’s certainly not going to accept his wife has it. I do tell him that mom’s ’memory doctor’ said she will get worse if she lives long enough. I never ever discuss the fact that he’s now been diagnosed with it - he’s stubborn and paranoid.

My mom was a RN in her career. She actually got her diagnosis herself. Of course she knew what was happening in the early stage. I think it was early stage 5 when she was questioning what was going on. My brother and I were still tag teaming and traveling every other month to her home. I asked her if she knew what Alzheimer’s was, she said “no”. That was the last time it was ever brought up with her. When she subsequently questioned why she had a hard time etc… the response was something like “yeh we can all have trouble at times.” “Don’t worry, we’ve got your back”. “I’m sorry, it’s ok”. Those kind of conversations helped.

@simplebender

Your blog articles chronicling your family's journey are incredibly poignant, insightful, and even amusing. I see so many similarities to my journey with my 92-yo husband. Thank you for posting them here. I'll be following your blog.

My mom would sometimes say her memory 'attic' was full and so she had trouble remembering new things. We would go with 'foggy memory' if it ever came up.

She probably doesn't remember the conversation. When my husband gets confused or forgets things. I just slowly try to help him remember what he was going to say. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't work. If he gets confused I just simply try and lessen his anxiety. With calm reassuring tone of voice. That usually helps. He is in the ES of dementia and his progression is happening slowly. Obviously I realize that can change very quickly.