Medicaid

Becky, you took the words right out of my mouth: i would just do it and not involve him. I know it's hard when that's a new dynamic for you, but i just wouldn't tell him, don't see that it serves any purpose. You may have to come up with some excuses-i know i did, when i went to an attorney to have my own will rewritten and to remove my partner as my POA and executor, it would have just hurt her feelings and she didn't need to know.

I agree 100% just do it! I had long tear talk and cry about what’s going on with DW seemed to understand but in 3 days didn’t remember conversation. It’s a learning experience, group told me not to explain and they were right , as usual

I can expand on this a little bit. If you have had a close relationship, you are probably used to discussing every major endeavor or decision with your spouse. You assume that he would in fact want to know why you are looking for the tax returns for the last five years, or whatever. But now, he not only won't remember what you tell him, the discussion might engender anxiety on his part: "i need them to get you qualified for Medicaid." That's likely to lead to further discussion of why you need to do that, the possibility of future care needs, denial of anything being wrong if he has anosognosia, anger and apprehension. So-now, instead, you have to not discuss your own actions and feelings with him, and make up some excuse about why you're gathering the data (or do it surreptitiously), and this reinforces to you that you don't have the partner that you used to have, leaving you feeling sad that the relationship has changed and that you can't relate to him like you used to. But this is your new reality. And yes, it's soul crushing. This forum was and still is a huge help for me to adjust to the multiple ways my life has changed like this since dementia entered our lives ten years ago.

I agree....maybe it is for your insurance company???

Becky, you mentioned DH looking at finances and investments daily, a couple of thoughts here. First, does he still have login and trade access to accounts? That would be everything from general banking to any financial kind of financial transaction. There are many stories on here about LO who have emptied the bank or investment accounts. People repeatedly advise to remove LO name from signatory access.

Then, talk with your financial advisor regarding your investments. If you have basic stocks/bonds/mutual funds, you may be able to finesse those items into a way to protect from Medicaid counting them. However, there could be another side...... Early in our process for DH, I started arranging for future Medicaid access. Well into the documentation gathering there was a conversation with attorney and the financial advisor. There was an investment where we would have lost significant money if we rearranged it to qualify for Medicaid. The financial advisor ultimately said we have enough income to self pay for his care--although much might not be left!- but he and the attorney agreed we should not pursue the Medicaid option. Possibly this is an unusual situation, but I wish I had talked to the financial people first. .....I spent way too much money on the attorney for his plan (a trust) which now is not being used.