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Dumbest or most inappropriate thing someone has said to you or your LOWD

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  • GothicGremlin
    GothicGremlin Member Posts: 917
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    @cvannor - I got that more than once (my sister was diagnosed a few years ago with early onset).

    The one that really got me though was when one of my friends asked me "why are you so upset? It's just a little memory loss." 😒

  • murpc76
    murpc76 Member Posts: 11
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/191846#Comment_191846

    These are what get me every time…

  • ButterflyWings
    ButterflyWings Member Posts: 1,769
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    edited December 2023

    From a relative who supposedly understands dementia: "Can't you just put him in his room?" (and leave him there; go do whatever you need to do)?

    This was in Stage 4 with a very verbal, mobile, wandering and rummaging LO who looked like the picture of health but was totally disoriented to place and time, had no clue about anything. Based on that comment, turns out he wasn't the only clueless one.

  • Marta
    Marta Member Posts: 694
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    Why does he need to be in the hospital if it’s just dementia? - from my beloved elderly aunt.

  • Anna2022
    Anna2022 Member Posts: 197
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    Just this week, we got a Happy New Year's card from my BIL, who knows our situation. It said, "Happy New Year! Nothing but blue skies ahead!" WTF.

  • CindyBum
    CindyBum Member Posts: 351
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    edited December 2023

    We live near one my DW's aunts, who truly believes everything can be overcome with the power of positive thinking. She actually believed when we moved up here that my DW would be cured if she just kept telling her to be positive. I've kept this aunt updated with each progression. When I recently told her we couldn't come to her cocktail party because my DW had a day of increased confusion and anxiety/fear, she asked, "Confusion about what?" Um, everything, aunt M, as I've told you over and over again.

  • LJCHR
    LJCHR Member Posts: 211
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    My neighbor (who is a widow) told me: I’d rather have a husband like yours than not have one at all.

    She apparently forgot that I was widowed at 56 and my current husband has dementia.

    People are very insensitive at times and don’t understand dementia.

  • Denise1847
    Denise1847 Member Posts: 873
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    We were with a group of our friends at dinner this week. One of the women started talking about never wanting to get married again as she didn't want to have to take care of another man. Other women piped in the conversation with agreement. Their husbands were present.

    I am seriously considering sending an email to the group stating that some of them have asked how my DH is doing and why he doesn't talk and his one hand shakes. I am thinking of telling him what stage he is in and attaching the Tam Cummings stages sheet so they can get a full picture of what he is facing. People have no idea about this disease if they haven't encountered it before.

  • 549jb
    549jb Member Posts: 15
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    The above comments are so funny/sad. You really have no idea what someone is going through unless you go through it yourself. People want to FIX things and this one is not fixable, at least not yet. My heat goes out to all you caregivers on this New Years Eve. We have each other which I am grateful for. I would like to find a group that meets in person (like AA or Alanon) if anyone has information on how to find that kind of thing please let me know. Today is my first day using this format to communicate and get help.

  • avieDa921)
    avieDa921) Member Posts: 43
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    My so called “best friend” of 45 years never sends me a text, oh by the way, she loves to text. She will call me once in awhile to see how me & DH (ALZ 6 years) are doing. Says she misses going out to lunch together, could I put him in daycare for a couple of hours. I said I will not do that to him especially if he still remembers who I am most of the time. I don’t need a best friend, just my DH married 55 years this March, high school sweethearts!❤️

  • Mimi50
    Mimi50 Member Posts: 144
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    You can’t even tell there is anything wrong with him.

  • Mimi50
    Mimi50 Member Posts: 144
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/193027#Comment_193027

    It is really great group. I live in Illinois and found in person support group. DH is still in the early stages. So now would be the time to do it.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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