Dumbest or most inappropriate thing someone has said to you or your LOWD
Comments
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@cvannor - I got that more than once (my sister was diagnosed a few years ago with early onset).
The one that really got me though was when one of my friends asked me "why are you so upset? It's just a little memory loss." 😒
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This must be coming from someone who never tried to lift a 180 pound toddler!😊
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These are what get me every time…
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From a relative who supposedly understands dementia: "Can't you just put him in his room?" (and leave him there; go do whatever you need to do)?
This was in Stage 4 with a very verbal, mobile, wandering and rummaging LO who looked like the picture of health but was totally disoriented to place and time, had no clue about anything. Based on that comment, turns out he wasn't the only clueless one.
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Why does he need to be in the hospital if it’s just dementia? - from my beloved elderly aunt.
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Just this week, we got a Happy New Year's card from my BIL, who knows our situation. It said, "Happy New Year! Nothing but blue skies ahead!" WTF.
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We live near one my DW's aunts, who truly believes everything can be overcome with the power of positive thinking. She actually believed when we moved up here that my DW would be cured if she just kept telling her to be positive. I've kept this aunt updated with each progression. When I recently told her we couldn't come to her cocktail party because my DW had a day of increased confusion and anxiety/fear, she asked, "Confusion about what?" Um, everything, aunt M, as I've told you over and over again.
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I have a friend in the mental health field who should have known better when, several years after my husband’s AD diagnosis, asked me “What’s his prognosis?” My answer was “Death.” Then she asked, “When is he going to die?’” I said, “If anyone can tell me that I’ll put it on my calendar so I can be ready.” I know my answers were sarcastic but I didn’t feel responsible for making her feel OK about those questions.
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My neighbor (who is a widow) told me: I’d rather have a husband like yours than not have one at all.
She apparently forgot that I was widowed at 56 and my current husband has dementia.
People are very insensitive at times and don’t understand dementia.
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We were with a group of our friends at dinner this week. One of the women started talking about never wanting to get married again as she didn't want to have to take care of another man. Other women piped in the conversation with agreement. Their husbands were present.
I am seriously considering sending an email to the group stating that some of them have asked how my DH is doing and why he doesn't talk and his one hand shakes. I am thinking of telling him what stage he is in and attaching the Tam Cummings stages sheet so they can get a full picture of what he is facing. People have no idea about this disease if they haven't encountered it before.
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The above comments are so funny/sad. You really have no idea what someone is going through unless you go through it yourself. People want to FIX things and this one is not fixable, at least not yet. My heat goes out to all you caregivers on this New Years Eve. We have each other which I am grateful for. I would like to find a group that meets in person (like AA or Alanon) if anyone has information on how to find that kind of thing please let me know. Today is my first day using this format to communicate and get help.
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My so called “best friend” of 45 years never sends me a text, oh by the way, she loves to text. She will call me once in awhile to see how me & DH (ALZ 6 years) are doing. Says she misses going out to lunch together, could I put him in daycare for a couple of hours. I said I will not do that to him especially if he still remembers who I am most of the time. I don’t need a best friend, just my DH married 55 years this March, high school sweethearts!❤️
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You can’t even tell there is anything wrong with him.
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It is really great group. I live in Illinois and found in person support group. DH is still in the early stages. So now would be the time to do it.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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