Are there things that helped you cope?

I am in therapy, have been for awhile and we have talked about my mom. Also on antidepressants, my psychiatrist gave me recently a "booster" to take with it. I've taken it before and it helps, I guess I've been being stubborn and trying to find non medicine routes. Mostly bc the booster tends to make me gain weight or at the least hold it even if I'm exercising and eating less.

Regardless it's not so much that my mom does things that trigger me. Ironically the dementia taking away her ability to communicate well has somehow helped? Prior she would have a horrible habit of never actually listening, you could tell her a story that takes 4 or 5 mins. By the end she'd either say nothing or openly admit that she wasn't actually listening and ask me to repeat. I'd say it was early warning signs, but alas that is just how my mother was all my life. She doesn't do anything like before but just being around her makes me think of growing up with her. I do see my therapist today and hope she may have some helpful insight. It has shifted as well, at first I was upset with her past actions but now I've come to be upset with myself for never appreciating the effort she did put in even if she was shitty around those small blips of effort. It's quite confusing and I've just been struggling to navigate it.

I hate I'm not alone. Thank you for your comment though

Sadly or happily, I do understand dementia to a certain extent. When she first got her official diagnosis I went down the rabbit hole of Google trying to learn everything. Which was partially problematic since her dementia is specifically from her uncontrolled diabetes and not using her sleep apnea machine. Some people have tried to argue that but that is what the Dr told her and my dad (my dad told me such). On top of it, her family has zero history of dementia. I was very upset with her at first bc my dad, my 2nd brother and I have all tried to get her to be healthier, control her diabetes/diet, lose weight etc since I was as young as 16. She just never listened and did what she wanted and now everyone is suffering with the consequences. It's especially frustrating bc my grandmother (mom's side) has had diabetes for over 30 years now, I believe, yet she is somehow in better health (as much good health as one can have inching into their late 80s early 90s).

Ramble aside, I will take your advice and look more into how to help her and by extension myself. I do know to a certain extent some tricks to help her and they have been helpful. Thank you for your comment and support