Happy? New Year

AlzWife2023 · January 6

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/192990#Comment_192990

I feel similarly. DH is 80 and probably stage 6 but so lost at times. I don’t know how long this will last but I have also found myself growing as I rise to this challenge and also to know myself better and deepen my connection with God.

Bill_2001 · January 6

Hi Kevcoy,

I am right there with you, although I try to put a positive spin on all the disappointments. New Year, new symptoms, new restrictions on my life, new problems to solve, new disappearing acts from friends and family. To top it off, every single glimmer of hope is soon discovered to be just smoke and mirrors.

The latest disappointment I have raised is the proliferation of "get paid to help a family member" advertisements. A family member that is not a spouse, that is. Surprise!

Try to find something to smile about every day. I know it is hard - but a funny movie, some good music, a walk (with your spouse) outdoors - whatever you can do. It is a long, long slog. I am 8+ years in with no life of my own and no end to caregiving in sight.

AlzWife2023 · January 6

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/193747#Comment_193747

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/67603/happy-new-year

@Bill_2001 I’m taking a similar approach, trying to live for the moment and enjoy the little things. It’s an absolute SIN that we can’t get paid to care for spouses. My partner and I are not legally married and I am applying for adult foster care payments. Have you considered getting divorced. I know it sounds horrible but if it makes sense financially or is imperative financially there’s are lawyers who can help.

Bill_2001 · January 6

Hi AlzWife2023, I appreciate the divorce suggestion; others have also suggested it as a possible financial decision. That being said, I just cannot stomach the thought. No judgement upon others that may have taken this route, but I am too sentimental, and I have made it this far. (Smile.)

AlzWife2023 · January 6

I totally understand. We’re not married and two days ago my partner asked me to marry him again after 33 years together. I just laughed and said we can’t afford to!

LaneyG · January 6

Kevcoy, you pulled my New Year thoughts right out of my head. I too am living in dread and a real fear of the year ahead. I feel there is nothing to look forward to but new challenges, and minimal support from friends and family who just don’t get it. I so miss my husband. I berate myself for feeling sorry for myself and DH. I will continue to remind myself to count the blessings I do have. I liked the suggestion some had to find some in each day that brings some form of joy. Thanks to all of you.

DTSbuddy · January 7

My DO has primary progressive aphasia; he can understand some of my questions about his needs and wishes and answer ' yes' and 'no'. He can comment on things, saying 'look' or 'beautiful', or 'terrible.' And occasionally there are whole sentences, like, 'Do you want some?' But most of his talking is pure gibberish, but he wants me to pay attention and looks hurt when I ignore him. I have mostly stopped straining to try to make sense out of it, because I cannot. I asked him the other day, if his thinking is like a dream, or even a nightmare, with just pictures going by he nodded and said 'yes.' so I guess it's sort of out of his control. Finding a task he can do, sorting or folding or sweeping , singing, can help him relax and focus. I miss rational conversations so, so much. He has lost executive function, so he cannot make decisions, but rather just live in the moment. And I find it hard to organize my thoughts and get things done when he is talking.

LaneyG · January 7

So sweet. I get that too, but I’ve actually considered it if it would bring him some extra joy or security. He feels he has nothing. Get this he has always loved children but we are sadly childless. He keeps saying he wants a baby and of course I can still have one even without the act! Lol.

fmb · January 7

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/193877#Comment_193877

Very realistic baby dolls designed for people with dementia are available on Amazon and elsewhere. Perhaps this might satisfy his desire for a baby.

Happy? New Year

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