Ashamed

We all have those good days and those rough ones. Every so often, as hard as I try, I get irritated because I think DH is capable of understanding or comprehending what I am trying to do. Fatigue overload. Cut yourself some slack and know we are all human.

No you shouldn't be ashamed. You are trying to deal with a situation that is very stressful, heartbreaking and broken. They will get on our nerves from time to time. I know my DW isn't in control of anything anymore but somedays my patience is a bit thin and I say things I shouldn't because I just can't take it anymore that day. I feel bad and strive to do better and be more patient and understanding but is a never ending pressure on us. It's very difficult.

They have no consideration anymore of our circumstances or appreciation of what we do for them. My DW doesn't know how hard I try every waking moment to be a good caregiver to her but it's not her fault. Very trying.

I still react poorly sometimes (too often) and I think the stress can cause anyone and everyone to react wrong but I think for me even though this has been going on a long time and I mentally know my wife is not saying and doing things just to hurt me or cause problems, emotionally I still see my wife right in front of me saying and doing very hurtful things to me. sometimes my emotions overrides what my head knows.

I’m so sorry, I’m exactly where you are now. I keep telling myself to stop reasoning or correcting and yes even yelling at my DH. This feeling is the worst, you are right. I get so angry at myself, please forgive yourself. You are not at fault. You are doing your best, which is way more than good enough. Hugs💙

I hate when my frustration causes me to be rude to my DH. Fortunately, he forgets about it in less than a minute.

Give yourself a break. Let yourself be human. I too deal with the struggle to maintain patience and keep my temper every day. If you can manage it try to leave the room for a spell and take 10 and some deep breathes. I also find that sometimes it is a matter of being a master at distraction. I wish I was better at it.

Cindy, don't beat yourself up over this. I have failed in the patience department more times than I can count, and I also feel terrible afterward. Sometimes I think one of the hardest things to deal with is the person I feel his illness is turning me into. I don't recognize that woman some days. All we can do is keep trying to do our best. Yesterday the director at his day program told me he didn't know how I managed 24/7, which was a little disconcerting. This is one hard job. Give yourself a break.

I have the same problem. To deal with it, I tell myself "don't sweat the small stuff!" Now what is the "small stuff"? For example, I would try to stop my DW from wearing a raincoat on top of a raincoat, and we would start arguing. Now I let it go. Who cares about the looks? She is safe and we are in harmony! Trouble is, how do you judge as to what is sufficiently important to keep insisting?

It's like I'm reading my own words that someone else typed! Learning a little more each time an argument or disagreement presents itself and I lose my cool. I realize that things turn out so much better when I call up the "patience department" as Chammer called it. I now let him wear what he wants (most of the time), let him think I'm selfish and only thinking of myself, let him try his best to help when it's really no help at all...

But I also let him know I love him and respond with joy and laughter when he gets playful and loving. I try to keep those moments in my heart. We're all doing the best we can - I'm sure some do it better than others but this is not a competition! Thank you all for your understanding.