Anger and agitation - how much is too much?

LaneyG, I know what you mean! In 48 years of marriage, DW and I have learned many kinds of emotions about each other; but her anger is the one that still unsettles me. Now in Stage 6, I know it doesn’t mean anything, and yet . . . I still react; I shrink from it; I argue with it (not recommended!); I get angry back (useless and embarrassing). When I am my best self, I acknowledge, I embrace her, distract maybe. And sometimes that works.

Apropos your question, I don’t think it will stop, but rather increase. Somehow I think her anger is at the tragedy of her loss, of the braininess that earned her 3 Ivy League degrees, of the friendliness that cultivated such love with her family and friends, of her ability to function with grace and initiative. I would be angry, too, I’m afraid. But that knowledge does not help me much.

Hang in there, if you can. You have my sympathy.

Laney, given that you just got him home: if you are not comfortable with the level of aggression/anger still being expressed/acted out, I would turn right around and take him back in a heartbeat. Not acceptable for you to feel threatened at all.

All - Try to videotape or at least audio record the next time this happens (maybe with your cell phone) and get the doctor on this right away. This sounds like anti-psychotic meds need to be started, increased, or changed for one that works.

Two members in my support group have experienced this with their spouses and in each case Seroquel helped. It also helped my husband when he would become anxious and fixated on things. We all agreed that they were much happier once the level of anger and anxiety was controlled with the drug. I remembered how in the late 60’s and early 70’s my husband smoked pot to feel the same relaxation so I did not feel bad for giving him the drug.

This follows a lot of what Dr Edmonds teaches. Ed posted the links in his post. Something we all need to learn and use

@bonkey

It's always a risk/benefit question.

Which is worse? Living into the final stages or dementia bedbound, silent with painful bedsores and contractures after years in the care of a person who finds your behavior loathsome or an improved quality of relieved of the feelings that drive the behaviors she finds upsetting? Remember, emotional intelligence remains intact well into the later stages of the disease.

We chose to medicate. Dad took a low dose of Seroquel twice a day for the last 18 months of his life. I don't know whether that robbed dad of time on earth-- I figure he lived about 13 years from his earliest symptoms until he died. Dad had aspiration pneumonia when he died, but his actual death could have been a heart attack or stroke. Either way, the Seroquel allowed him to remain at home in mom's care until a few weeks before he died. Without it, his options for care would have been limited; our agency wouldn't accept clients who made their staff feel uncomfortable and most facilities won't either.

HB

I am not sure what stage my husband is in He was diagnosed with MCI a few years ago but I think we saw changes before that. Th one thing that is so hard to see is how long it takes him to do a task. This man a successful business for over 30 years. He knows he is forgetting and says I'm sorry a lot which breaks my heart. Th other thing I have noticed he gets easily agitated often saying things or doing things when frustrated. It is scary and embarrassing . I am embarrassed for him and by him. I know he can't help it.

Other times he is his old sweet self./Sometimes when he does not remember things he has agreed to I feel like he does not trust me. I am not always at my best. I know my frustration shows in my expressions and sometimes I say we talked about that etc. His memory is getting much worse and a pet scan confirmed it was Alzheimer's I do not know what stage he is in but it seems to have advanced. I feel your pain and can identify with it.