Valentine’s Day Lunch

Hope5757 · February 15

I guess lunch went as well as expected. We went later so that there would be fewer people. A local highly regarded Italian restaurant.

No waiting (praise God) but MIL did not like the table we were shown and wanted to move to a window table. I went to ask the hostess (who said no). When I told MIL, she said she’d already decided she didn’t like the window table anymore. I don’t even ask why anymore.

I knew ordering would be a bit of an ordeal as it’s increasingly difficult for her. But, this trip made it clear that we’ll have to change tactics. I’m not sure she can really read anymore but she did look at the menu for 45 minutes. Every suggestion I made was refused and she wouldn’t accept any guidance. After she saw my spouse was getting irritated, she acquiesced to a suggestion.

We got home and she immediately sat down in the living room and fell asleep. I couldn’t even get her coat removed. After 3 hours, I woke her up as I was getting worried. I had to physically lift her off the couch, help her to the bedroom and get her clothes changed.

But here’s what I don’t understand. Once I got her changed and she was sitting in her bedroom recliner, she was fine. She spoke to her daughter on the phone for an hour, walked back out to the living room and watched a movie with us.

I don’t understand how someone goes from being unable to even walk to being alert and mobile within a span of 2 hours.

SusanB-dil · February 15

We can also still go out to eat. We keep it to just a couple of places MIL is familiar with. She has not been able to navigate a menu in quite some time, so I just give her 2 suggestions of what she likes, and she still looks to DH to decide for her.

I ordered 'to go' from a place yesterday after we left her appointment. We picked it up and brought it home. No crowd, no noises... that worked out great for us.

And yes - she can go from being drowsy, drifting off, and not wanting to move - to alert and hungry in a short amount of time. And no - there is no understanding it. We don't try.

Hope5757 · February 15

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/198358#Comment_198358

Thank you. It’s good to hear I’m not alone. Inability to “navigate” a menu is a better description of the hurdles involved in ordering from a menu.

Anonymousjpl123 · February 15

@Hope5757 that switching from “really out of it”/disoriented to fine freaks me out entirely. I think it must be part of this disease. It’s very jarring to see her struggling so much, then seemingly fine. I get it. I think you did the right thing - letting her rest, and when she woke adjusting to her being more relaxed. That seems to be the key: meeting them where they are. I struggle with it mightily. Easier said than done, but seems it will make our journeys easier.

psg712 · February 15

Yes yes yes. My mom has immense trouble with menus - even when she was in AL, choosing between the 2 entrees that were offered at each meal was a struggle. So glad that there are no such choices in MC. She eats what she finds appealing on the plate that's put in front of her.

And yes, there's no telling when she'll doze off and when she'll find a burst of energy. We just have to take it as it comes.

Hope5757 · February 16

Thanks @Anonymousjpl123 and @psg712!

There’s so many difficult aspects to being a caregiver to a PWD. All we can do is our best, right?

One of the hardest things for me personally is her unpredictability. Day by day (sometimes hour by hour), what she will eat, location of a pain, moods, etc change without any observable causation. I don’t know. It’s just so hard to understand.

mommyandme (m&m) · February 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/198458#Comment_198458

It is the twilight zone for sure. The last time I took mom out to a restaurant I just picked what I thought she’d eat and enjoy. Menus weren’t a thing at that point. She took so long to eat, the other family members had to leave us 😅. I did wheel her to our neighborhood donut shop another time but that was easy.

I wonder if when your mom goes weak and tired like that you might try to get a BP and/or Pulse/ox. Of course, an outing could just be exhausting to her. My mom had syncope episodes that set her down for a bit. Hope that’s not the case in your situation.

Hang in there, you’re not alone.

Hope5757 · February 18

@mommyandme (m&m) ,

Thank you so much for the BP/oxygen suggestion. I have both instruments at home and am irritated that I didn’t think about that myself.

Valentine’s Day Lunch

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