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mom slipping away

irene912
irene912 Member Posts: 84
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in Caring for a Parent

Mom said she only remembers bits & pieces of her life. Asks how many kids she has. I miss my dad more these days, who died 19 years ago. I wonder why. Is it because mom is slipping away, not herself anymore. Our relationship has changed & I just miss my mom & dad! Mom recently said to me 'it's nice to meet you'. When I called her mom, she said, 'I'm your mom?' She asked me if i had a 'card' so we can keep in touch. So sad! Hard adjusting to my mom not knowing me.

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  • JeriLynn66
    JeriLynn66 Member Posts: 962
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    Irene I’m so sorry 😢

  • irene912
    irene912 Member Posts: 84
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/198938#Comment_198938

    Thank you

  • DCCEPEK
    DCCEPEK Member Posts: 95
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    I'm sorry I know it hurts. This disease changes everything as we know it.

  • irene912
    irene912 Member Posts: 84
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/198945#Comment_198945

    Yes, hurtful. I try to remember it's not her fault. No one deserves this.

  • psg712
    psg712 Member Posts: 457
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    It hurts. I miss my parents too. My dad died almost 14 years ago, and my mom is slipping away much like yours. She acts like she recognizes me when I see her, but makes weird comments like telling people I am HER mother. When she saw me a couple of days ago, she said, "oh hi! I haven't seen you in years!" It's exhausting and disheartening at times ... but she is still my mom. Somewhere in there. Or maybe just in my memory 🤔.

  • 2parents/brain change
    2parents/brain change Member Posts: 51
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    Dementia/Alzheimers in parents does hurt, regardless of how imperfect my former relationship with my Dad.

    My FIL is 10 minutes away from me and my husband. My husband was retired briefly and now works 8 hours a day at the fine metal working shop his Dad left in complete disarray!

    My mother is in a Medicaid facility 7 hours away!

    So at first (10 months ago) after moving here, I did not go to see my FIL. The family is in such denial about the reality of Dad's situation. They are just happy 'someone' is taking care of it.

    Recently I decided to visit him and my heart just melted. His facility is a very expensive memory care center. There is not a skilled person in sight. But a lot of nice 'pleasantries!".

    I have found that sitting quietly with him has been so healing for me. I miss my mom terribly and just want to make the drive to see her. And I will make that drive 5 weeks from now. Meantime, I think missing her is just part of the journey set before me.

    Good to share with others on this website!

  • irene912
    irene912 Member Posts: 84
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/199025#Comment_199025

    My mom knows she has a daughter with my name. So recently she asked what my job is. When I told her she said, my daughter does that too. I want to scream, it's me mom! AND saying she hasn't seen or talked to me in forever. When really it's only been a few days. No concept of time.

  • irene912
    irene912 Member Posts: 84
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/199056#Comment_199056

    I'm sorry. My heart goes out to you. Think your FIL is being taken care of adequately? I hope so. How does he seem?

    Sitting quietly. I do a lot of that now with Mom. Part of the reason is that it's hard to have a conversation, between her bad hearing & she just doesn't understand.

    Mom has been staying with my sister lately, which has been hard for me. She's 2 hours away. I was mom's primary caregiver. Now she's not here. But when she was, she didn't know me & it was exhausting & heart wrenching, trying to explain who I was & she would tell me about herself like I was a stranger. So now we have short visits and makes me feel like, what did I do wrong. Why couldn't I care for her. But as you said, missing her may be part of the journey...

    Go see your mom when you can. And sit quietly with her. Say all the things you want, whether she understands or not. take care

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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