Leaving LO alone on the caregivers side

It's quite difficult for those of us who are solo caregivers without kids or siblings to back us up. It remains difficult, even when she's in MC. She was devastated when I was hospitalized last summer, because even though they told her she didn't know where I was for two weeks. She cried when she finally saw me.

We are their one and only, and that's a tough position to be in. Maybe you'll still get to those cookies though, Kathy.

I completely feel you on this one. I have gradually changed a lot of this stuff. TBH, this concern played a role in our move to our current area.

Resonating loud and clear here!

Think "digital will", for all that stuff in computers and online. Passwords, yes, but what about all those photos in the cloud? How about your email account(s)? And the stuff on your computer(s) and phone(s}. Someone probably needs to know how to gain access to all that and dispose of it in a way you specify, just like a will directs the disposition of your other assets.

@AnderK

You're wise to plan for this.

One piece resonated with me-- what if I fall down the stairs and the EMTs come and talk to Tim...but no one else. 

Do you wear a device like an emergency pendant or Apple Watch that would detect the fall and call the EMTs or are you relying on Tim to be your advocate in this situation?

Towards the end of that 10-year time period in which I was trying to convince mom that dad needed to be evaluated, she got sick while they were at their place in Florida. I would describe him as stage 5ish sober and stage 6 drunk at that point in time. When I came to stay with them I walked in to find dad hosting neighborhood happy hour wearing nothing but a bath towel. The next morning he crossed wires jumping a battery and then put a fork in the toast in a 10-minute period.

I spoke to my parents daily to check in. I knew mom wasn't feeling well. She is medically complex, so it isn't unusual for her to pick up an URI and not be herself for a couple weeks. There was a period in February 2016 where I called daily and mom didn't answer her phone, so I'd call dad. He'd tell me various conflated versions of why mom didn't answer that were quite in character with her-- she was at the pool with the ladies, she was napping, she went to Publix to get sandwiches for lunch. Other times he'd complain to me that they were fighting (very plausible) or that she was being mean and wouldn't make him dinner (not so plausible). Once I didn't get an answer for 2 days and called for a well-check-- they talked to dad who reported they were fine. I did get a hold of her once in this period and she explained that she didn't feel well and that the doctor had given her some medication that made her really tired and that "she needed to make an appointment to see a psychiatrist". Actually, the PCP told dad to take her to the ER but he decided they should go have dinner and drinks instead.

A few days later I got a call from a social worker at their local hospital. My mom was in severe liver failure and they weren't sure she was going to recover. Evidently, dad got mad at mom for being lazy and not cooking, so he drove her to Publix to buy him food. A neighbor-- a retired RN-- took one look at my mom who was the color of a school bus and drive her to the ER over dad's objections. The hospitalist reached out to their PCP who produced my number as an emergency contact, and I flew down the next day. Had it not been for the neighbor, mom would be dead.

The cookies are perfection.

HB

@l7pla1w2

Medic Alert bracelets can be ordered to have a generic front and engraving on the back which means your LO wouldn't see what is engraved on it. You could explain your doctor wants you to wear it because of a condition you have or medication you take.

I heard about this website from a podcast with medic alert bracelets that look like a nice piece of jewelry:

https://www.laurenshope.com/medical-id-bracelets?ad_id=&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAuYuvBhApEiwAzq_YicXOPEuXBoO7Dq_AixKmoKtIon3tvUvX0FfIvcWigCfAK3c8nkOZmBoCcYMQAvD_BwE

Also there is an attachment you can use on certain Apple watches:

Just some options for you.

The idea of a medical alert bracelet is appealing, but I'm faced with the same problem as having a health aide come to the house. I don't wear anything on my wrists, so DW would ask what is that and why do you need it? I think, however, that I will put a notice in my wallet about DW's condition.

WOW... thanks. Lots of good ideas I haven't thought about.....yet. Something happening to me is something I have thought about...but distantly. Probably isn't fair to our children who would have to step in if we have an emergency. Thank-you.

@AnderK

My Apple Watch is pretty good at detecting falls. I've fallen twice since I got one and it did its job. That said, I have had 2 false alarms with mine- once reaching into the washer and once getting something out of the dishwasher in a hurry.

More importantly, it has worked for my mom who is a serious fall risk-- bad vision and distraction with osteoporosis is an unholy trinity. She had a pendant but I never saw her wear it in the 2 years she had it. It didn't go with her many outfits and she didn't to look old. The Apple Watch works for her because she feels like a cool girl wearing it.

There was a period last spring where she went down 4 times that I know of. I was with her for 2 of them (my birthday dinner she missed a step and landed on a stone floor and once she tripped over DS's shoes in my foyer), once with my niece (tripped over a planter at a restaurant (still not sure how that happened) and once on her own returning library books. I got alerted each time which was reassuring.

HB