Can he move back home from Memory Care?

Jazzma · March 6

My husband went to a memory care facility 10 days ago after a health crisis pushed him over the edge mentally. He was so agitated and delusional that I couldn't take care of him. He never slept, often wandered the house with his eyes half-open talking nonsense syllables. I visited him for the first time yesterday and he is so much better -- he knew me, said he had missed me, and seemed okay with the idea that we now live in two different places. I'll talk with the nursing staff about his medications and sleep schedule. My question -- has anyone successfully brought a loved one back home after they went into memory care? I would so much rather have him here.

jfkoc · March 6

Yes.

I think a lot depends on what the situation was like before the crisis.

Quilting brings calm · March 6

Please give some thought to the fact that he is more stable because of where he is. A safe secure facility with staff that rotate shifts and get to sleep and have a life when they go home. He might revert back to where he was before you placed him. And then it will be difficult to find you a place and harder for him to adjust the next time. Plus he is only going to get worse not better.

wizmo · March 6

Many others have had second thoughts, few have successfully returned home. I just placed DW last Friday with much more challenging launch (agitation/combative triggering psych eval). I would give it at least 30 days for both of you to adjust. Remember why you got to placement, what would change that makes home a better place for more time, how much time, etc. Any improvements you see now are almost certainly temporary and progression will continue.

Ed1937 · March 6

Lady Texan brought her husband home with success, but it wasn't easy. If you can find some older posts by her, they might give a little more information about how it went for them. Whatever you do, just make sure you are making the decision with your mind instead of your heart. You don't want to make a mistake.

ImMaggieMae · March 6

My husband was never placed but he did spend a week in the hospital where he was taken to ER for extreme agitation, confusion and sleeplessness. They tested and found meds that worked to calm those symptoms make him seem “normalish” for what was probably somewhere around stage 4. When he came home he still had dementia, but was mor like his old self. About 2-1/2 years later there is progression and sundowning, but none of the extreme behavior that landed him in the hospital that first time. I can deal with incontinence and helping him with all ADL’s. I have no plans to place him. The meds have to be adjusted from time to time but he sleeps all night and is up and alert during the day.

GiGi1963 · March 6

I brought my husband home from memory care. Visiting him made me emotional and guilty for keeping him there. He would cry when he saw me and looked so lost. Within two weeks of his return I was telling myself that I'd made a big mistake. I found a new memory care and put him in on Monday. Between admissions he slowly got mean, aggressive toward me and began having incontinence issues. It's true, they don't get better. This cost me financially and I had to begin again with all the medical and facility paperwork. My advice is to give it more time.

Bill_2001 · March 6

Hi Jazzma,

Yes, he can come home. Four years ago, I placed my wife in memory care, with the intention of permanent placement. One week later, she was doing much better and I wanted her back home.

Brought her home four years ago and never looked back. It is completely your decision.

There may come a time when permanent placement is necessary for our loved ones. In my case, the day has not yet arrived. Difficult as caregiving is, I am so happy I brought her home four years ago.

Memory Care is not a prison. If you have paid for month already, ask if you can bring him home for three days and see how it goes, without a lot of paperwork fuss. My wife's memory care made a point about it not being a prison - I was free to take her home to visit me, or friends and family whenever I wanted, even for multiple days.

Blessings,

Bill_2001

ghphotog · March 7

I have felt the same way. My DW is lovely with me when I visit that sometimes I wonder why I placed her until I look at the video and photos of her at her worst and then I'm like okay, I can't handle that again.

tetwoman · March 7

I placed my husband today. I don’t regret it. I am sad but grateful that he is getting better care there than I could at home. I know he will only get worse. And I have taken to heart Gigi’s advice. Give it time. Don’t romanticize your time when he was home. Remember that we can’t stop the progression of this disease.

Jgirl57 · March 7

Jazzma, I am glad your visit went well. I have no advice for you but I want you to know we all support whatever you decide . So much of this is just a guessing game .Give yourself some good respite time as you ponder what to do.

Jazzma · March 8

Thank you all so much for your sharing your experiences and support. Today when I visited him he was the most lucid he's been in months. It was like talking to an equal partner again. He couldn't understand why he had to stay there. I explained that he had been so sick I couldn't take care of him and I didn't want that to happen again. I've made an appointment with a neurologist and will explore all of my options for support at home before bringing him back. Today was tough though. I just wanted to pack him up and go home.

Nowhere · March 8

Before you bring him home, remind yourself why you placed him in the first place as it could be that his memory care’s smaller environment with simple routines, companionship, and senior activities provides him peace of mind.

Phoenix1966 · March 8

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/201298#Comment_201298

Please take this observation to heart. His world is potentially more manageable now and he can function better in it, so he appears more lucid to you.

Jazzma · March 9

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/201189#Comment_201189

Jgirl57 Thank you so much. The support here is so tangible. I've never met any of you but you help me so very much.

Can he move back home from Memory Care?

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