The Bright Side
Here’s a thread to share positive moments or ideas and tips on caregiving. I’ll start.
*good weather today so we went to the dog park and to town for coffee…hubby enjoyed this
*music always perks him up…
*the more I treat him like my hubby while understanding his limitations (so going slow, being patient, having no big expectations), the happier and more “normal” he seems
Comments
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I played the piano for my dad. He applauded when I finished. He truly enjoyed it.
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I find patience is the key , not easy but the answer
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our routine tv watching is British mysteries. Some are hard to watch, others are light and funny.
Watched an old Poirot episode (for the 15th time) and I was jolted out of my watching the show by a loud laugh coming from my husband. I cheered out loud.
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It's been raining here for weeks, but we got a break the last couple of days and I got my DW out on the beach for a walk two days in row. She really enjoyed herself and so did I.
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I've finally convinced DH's daughter to visit him weekly. Although she and I do nearly all of the talking, he tries to follow along. When she leaves, he always gives her a big, genuine smile.
On a different note, I have finally gotten the long-term care insurance company straightened out on when he was at each of the two facilities, and they agreed that he met the 100-day exclusion period on Feb. 2. The first payment should hit the bank account on Monday, much to my relief. It will cover about 40% of the charges each month.
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My parents live not far from us, my dad is 12 years older than my husband and they get along well, but DH has not wanted to visit lately. Today I asked him to join me to “ go check on them” ( in their 80’s and need minimal help) we stayed an hour and he said he enjoyed talking with my dad ( I could hear him searching for words, but my dad just gave him the time he needed). For today, he said “ we should do that more”
Its a Win in my book.
thanks for starting a thread for the positive!
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Very rough two weeks with flus that flattened both of us and that really affected DH’s cognition. Today we finally felt 100 recent. DH listened to a Dylan record while we drank after breakfast coffee. We then did a dump run and lunch out. Now watching a basketball game. A very good day with a guy I love so much.
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Our 3.5 yr old grandson stayed overnight with us last night, giving his parents a night and morning off. I handle everything, managing mostly by myself, playing, feeding, toileting, looking after our sweet highly energetic grandson.
I find it exhausting, especially with some new health issues of my own I'm adjusting to. But my FTD husband was able to pitch in and help some now and then. Those fleeting breaks saved the day and made it do-able to spend that precious length time with gs who is growing up so fast. Both of us are exhausted afterward for a while. And I'm so grateful we can still manage it.
It fatigues my body, but it lifts my spirits for days after we spend time with that precious child. His innocent, dauntless, sweet spirit is medicine for the soul.
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I appreciate your 'good' day. And that you do those ordinary things with your husband. I'm working on that. My DH is in the early stages of dementia and I want to keep things as routine and normal as possible.
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So true in my case also. I used to get frustrated and he could see it on my face. He responded defensively with anger outbursts. I am now working on being patient and predictably pleasant in all situations, and it is amazing how positive my DH has been. I am impatient at times, of course, but not near as often as I used to.
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The original definition of "patience " is interesting and relevant:
<https://www.etymonline.com/word/patience>
quality of being willing to bear adversities, calm endurance of misfortune, suffering, etc.
Don't we all know it!
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Sitting with my husband. We could be looking at a "picture" book or watching TV. This was made possible by my learning that an acceptable dinner was a sandwhich and lunch could be cheese/crackers and a bit of fruit. Learning that was the hard part!
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Great post. It is true. Patience is really key to freedom and happiness. I am glad that I am naturally patient, but I do not know if I'd be at peace with things like I am now and exercising maximum patience without having the help I have from family, removing other stressors (like work), and adding the help of an SSRI (low dose).
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Great point. My son lives with us now to help out financially, but if he were not here I would be serving the same things. I like to cook my son nice meals as a thank you for being here, and he really loves it, but does not require it!
I was thinking that I need to cut down on all the cooking since I'm always in the kitchen and can't even keep up with the dishes. Your post has reminded me to make this a priority! I think I was going overboard with the cooking b/c I was avoiding my DH. Now that I have accepted and understand what's going on, I can engage with him at his level and enjoy it.
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same
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I had a farm day with my granddaughters yesterday, playing with the dog, the chickens, blowing bubbles, baking sugar cookies, picnicking on the porch. Very needed. And today got 50 strawberry plants in the ground. Very much the bright side.
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That's awesome!
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Sitting on the deck with DH in the sun under the blue sky drinking coffee & listening to the calls of the Phoebe (bird); that’s my Bright Side for today!
Sending love to all you caregivers. You are so strong & so special!
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The ice is out, and DH and I are looking forward to the return of the loons. (And also to the end of Mud Season!)
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My moments of brightness come when I spontaneously dance with my DH when an oldie but goodie comes on our Spotify connected Google Home Assist. (Isn’t technology something? In the “old days”, I would have just said “radio”)😂
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I agree that patience is the key and I have to work on that every day. We went out for breakfast this morning on the spur of the moment. We both enjoyed the sponteneity.
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Another great day yesterday--just pretending we are young again seems to transform us both. Listening to music in the car, eating McDonald's in the drive-thru, taking it easy, being affectionate, not fussing --we're both calm and happy
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Thank you for starting this positive thread! My DH and I go for 2-3 walks a day in the woods. It’s wonderful (except for the ticks!) and lifts our spirits. Life can still be so good!
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DB has come to accept he no longer drives. When I was visiting with him Saturday he suggested we go to lunch at the food court at the local mall. He seemed to appreciate getting those few extra miles away from home, and being out people watching as we ate.
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I don't usually share photos here but, to me, this is the definition of "bright side."
Here's my husband with his music therapist.
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My dh moved to a new room that has a little patio, with a chair on it. I brought him his outdoor chair from home and we were able to go choose new cushions for it. Now we can both sit on his little patio, and I think he loves having that chair. He's called me several times today very happy, and I think he's happy about the chair.
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beautiful!
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We had a great day today. DH full of energy, responsive, alert, retaining convos, active, happy. Thanking God that we still have days like this!
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Like many before me have said "patience is the key". Patience has never been my strong suit but I am learning, and as I learn DW and I are both happier and more at peace. I have also decided that most things I was impatient about really aren't important anyway. We actually have many good days but today we planted strawberries and tomatoes and admired the blooming roses and iris.
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We had a very nice evening. Friday or Saturday nites are our “concert” nites. We listen to music for hours sitting on the sofa together, holding hands thru some of the songs. I think (hope) that as this disease progresses and he forgets who I am - he will react to the music that has become a routine for us.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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