Just joined and new here

Hi Carolyn,

It is a difficult journey for myself too. Same emotions that I go through everyday that you wrote in your journal. My DH was diagnosed with MCI over a year ago.

I have also started writing a journal.

I get fresh air everyday and that is not difficult with our dog. Try to only focus on one day at a time. If it is possible, do try to get out of the house for a few hours by yourself a few times a week. My DH wants to be by my side all day. It is difficult to get anything done and that frustrates me. Many things I have to let go. When I let him participate that makes him happy. Today, we will be out planting some grass seed.

Somedays I question myself and that is normal. The patience I have with my DH amazes me some days. Before this disease I was not.

This group has been so helpful to me. Hope as time goes on I will be able to help someone with their journey.

My initial feelings, after denial, were anger and resentment. All I could think of were the things I lost or had to give up. I felt cheated. I hated my husband for what was happening now, for the future, and I found myself reviewing the past, too, through a dark lens. Then I started accepting the reality that either I take care of him and let love be my guide or I don’t. I began to understand this as a choice. I also allowed myself to ask for and accept help and I let go of status quo ideas. What was best for me and my husband and my family was for me to embrace caregiving. I worked hard to let go of anger and accept that life is full of challenges and surprises. I decided that no job could ever be as important as caring for the person I’ve loved for 35 years. I decided that my adult kids had a right —not a responsibility— to help and that I should not deny them that right—so I take financial help without guilt. That took a lot of courage and humility for me. It was part of letting go, giving up the illusion of control. I pray. I know I need help so I ask for it. I have found Grace. I aim to walk in the light. I know I am doing God’s work and knowing that is a reward in itself. Even if there is no God —as I used to think, life is bigger than us and there’s no use fighting against it. Feel all your feelings but choose to be happy. It took me over a year to get to this point. I thank God every morning for everything I have and I do not entertain thoughts about what I lack, what I’ve lost, or what I’m missing.

I hope this helps and that you can find a peaceful path soon 🙏❤️

Good advice. I stopped reading into the future recently and it has helped me tremendously. I think it was a way to try to control/predict the future but it just made me worry so much more and see my husband as worse off than he really is NOW. There’s still so much we can enjoy together.

Things will not get better in terms of the disease, but there is more than a good chance that you and your husband will find the grace to live with this. I did suffer a long period of depression, and denial. . What helped? I got my husband and me therapists. We started a strict gym routine (he has a trainer). We do put to lunch. We watch movies. We live. Music is a special gift. I think the key for me was to stop mourning what I lost and cherish what I still have.

It does help. I am still struggling with what will happen when he needs more care. My children are still young and I still have to work. These are the worries I have. At first I was worried about the financial loss and now that is such a minimal thought.

My DH is at stage 6 Alzheimer’s. I battled using medications for a long time. My issue was more anxiety than depression I worried about everything from the time I woke up until I laid in bed unable to sleep. I finally bit the bullet and started on Cymbalta. It made a world of difference in being able to cope. Me and my husband started going to a small church and learning to hand everything over to our wonderful gif has helped both of us do much. The new loving caring friends we’ve made has given us a much needed social life with people that accept him and love him just like he is. I’m in such a better place than I was a year ago. It may not be an answer for everyone but it sure was for us. I even have friends now that will stay with him while I work. He thinks it’s just friends coming to be with him. Good luck in finding your peace