Dealing with Grief of Loss and Alzheimer's Madness

Thank you for sharing your pain. We understand what you are saying and going through. Sometimes we only see the strength God gives when we are holding onto our last thread and we sense that also is beginning to fray. I've been far removed from God for a long time but it is true that he is near the brokenhearted and even though I have been a lousy "Christian" for so long I know that he is still with me and has never left. "When we are faithless he is faithful." I've had so many faithless moments but that doesn't change him or disappoint him. We think he is like us but he's not. Most times, sad to say, I only see him when I look back. Losing our friends is always hard and I also miss everyone of them.

Comparing your suffering to that of someone in a famine, war, etc is not a good long term coping strategy. Please consider telehealth therapy for some relief for yourself if at all possible. I’m saying this as someone who tried coping that way for decades & was ultimately diagnosed with PTSD & told it was a miracle I was still functional given what I went through. There is hope to feel better, even if you can’t see that today. Sending you strength and comfort.

It is serendipity that I chose to look at this site today and saw your post. After 7 years of dealing with my husband's Alzheimer's, he rapidly deteriorated a month ago and died last Wednesday near midnight. I posted about the final hours with him, the nightmare the hospital created around this, and described my final moments with him. I cannot tell you the agony I am in, it is truly unbearable. I don't know how I am going to survive this pain. I have no one- no family, no friends because Alzheimer's seems to drive people away over time. But two things you said went straight to my heart. First, my marriage of 38 years was one missing love- I considered him the love of my life, was IN LOVE with him every single day even now, but I never felt he saw me in the same hallowed light. I felt like I spent all those years trying to get blood out of a stone. There were many reasons I stayed, not the least of which was his incredible service to our country as a Marine, and the fact that over the years he kept getting different cancers from Agent Orange. His personality was the stuff of legends. His bright, relentlessly optimistic spirit, his stunning charisma that wowed people all over the world, were all things that held my heart. But in private, he was cold, aloof and often angry for anger's sake. I was always on the outside, emotionally. He was, in later years, a great travel companion, but the emptiness always endured. But the second thing I wanted to tell you is that in a way we are soul sisters about dogs. I truly believe they are a higher life form. They come to earth with all the traits Christ asks us to aspire to- unconditional love, loyalty, forgiveness. Nine years ago we got a male Maltese pup who is now 7lbs. We had always had dogs, which we both adored, but this one- his name is SweetPea- is some sort of spiritual being. He watched over my husband all these years, a vigilant little guardian and gave him endless affection. But it was always clear that he was "my" dog. He suffered during this last month, amidst the confusion and ambulance workers and crying and stress, but now, during these days of deep despair, he spends every moment at my side and looks into my eyes often to see how I am doing. This little dog is keeping me alive, still in touch with daily habits that I must keep, like feeding him, etc. I KNOW the pain you are suffering over the loss of your baby. There is nothing on this earth like it. Somehow, though, dogs have a way of guiding your heart after they leave this life, and you find that because their love is so simple and pure, it means you are left with an uncomplicated treasure in your heart. I pray, pray, pray, that you open your life to another pup. I know many here strongly advise against this, but I can only imagine they may not have quite the connection to dogs that others have. The moments of loving connection you will surely have with a new baby will lift you above your circumstances. The process of dealing with their daily needs/antics will give you respite from your husband. Yes, it's more work, but it is to save your spirit. I pray for you and pray that God lifts your burden and surrounds you with love.