I Am On My Own Now

I continue to go to this site numerous times a day - the empathy and experience of the participants here is the best support I have found. I am in a place now where a lot of you have found yourself in - I'm alone in this horrible ambiguous grief cycle called Alzheimer's.

Bill posted "The Calvary is not Coming" and I read this over and over. He posted this below:

After reading this, take a deep breath, and say “I am on my own, and I am doing the best that I can.” I really hope this makes you feel better. This is a horrible situation to be in, and sometimes realizing that you are on your own is just what you need to hear. 

I think I have reached the point of realizing I am on my own......and it hurts to the core.

The kids want to know how Papa is doing. You tell them and they don't want to hear it. I'm exhausted from hearing "You have to focus on the good days". Who among us caretakers don't focus and live for the good days. I also hear "Papa looks like he's doing fine". My response to that wants to be walk in my shoes each day. After 3+ years of this, I am ready to just be on my own and not bother any of the kids with how Papa really is. They really don't want to know.

This discussion forum is probably the lifeline for a great number of us. Thank you for being here and understanding what it's "REALLY" like to live our nightmares.

Prayers to all of us.