Respite caregiver struggle

rplourde50 · March 28

My DW is early/mid stage Alzheimer's. I recently hired a caregiver/respite worker to come for 3 hours a week. He's an experienced fellow and provides not only assurance of her safety but also engaging conversation. She seems engaged with him when he comes but afterward gets angry with me and sad for about a day.

I think it has to do with the fact she doesn't think she needs a "babysitter" and also that it reminds her that her condition is only going to get worse. She doesn't really need a "babysitter" yet, though does need some fundamental reminders such as making sure she stays hydrated and snacks to keep up her blood sugar. Otherwise she tends to get dizzy and has passed out on me a few times.

I wanted to get him in place now as a safety net, so I think it was a good idea to start the habit now. However, if she's going to get down about it every time afterwards…I don't know. Should I back off the caregiver? Let it ride and hope she gets used to it? Do something different?

Marta · March 28

Hang onto that caregiver for your sanity. You are important, too.

rplourde50 · March 28

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/203691#Comment_203691

thank you!

gampiano · March 28

keep the caregiver! The road is long!

jsps139_ · March 28

It can be hard to find a good one, so I would definitely keep him if you think he is doing a good job with her.

easy23 · March 28

Stick with the caregiver. I have someone come in three days/week for 4 hours. I don't explain why the caregiver is here and my DH doesn't ask why. I just announce that Tom will be here in 10 minutes and my DH says "ok." I go out for the entire time and it all works out well.

LaneyG · March 29

For sure keep the caregiver. I am still struggling with this. DH refuses a caregiver. He is so clingy. I get zero time alone. He is by my side always. I can’t have open conversations with friends, family, care team. Would love to hear what others have done who have been in this situation .

Jgirl57 · March 29

I agree; stick with it. My HWD/Alz does better when I bring home a sweet treat and immediately get busy with a household chore . I ignore the grumbly behavior . Hang in there

rplourde50 · March 29

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/203757#Comment_203757

good ideas, thank you.

FTDCaregiver1 · March 29

Sounds like my DW is much further along (stage 6), even so, she's really bonded with one of her caregivers, she can only speak in spurts and word salad but when she shows up, DW recognizes her immediately, smile lights up the room, sides right up to her. But…..when she leaves, she gets cranky but it passes. Think what your observing is somewhat the same. I totally agree with the others keep great help, its gold, down the road, when more hours are needed, who better than the person who seems to have bonded with your wife.

Lgb35 · March 29

I wonder if you brought him in more often and included times when you are home so he might feel more like a friend instead of a babysitter

White Crane · March 29

It took about a year to find the right caregiver for my DH. We went through several before the right one rang the doorbell. Don't give up. It sounds like your DW is okay with the caregiver you have but wants to make sure you understand she does not need a babysitter. My DH was like that. He said he didn't need a babysitter and I agreed with him. I told him the caregiver was a friend who had come to visit with him and play cards. He never did remember her name but his face lit up when she entered the house. And as soon as I left he was engaged and okay with her being there.

SSHarkey · March 30

Absolutely keep the caregiver!

Respite caregiver struggle

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