Conflicting Memories

How sad. I guess you’re right about it being the last trip. I think they just do so much better with a regular routine when they reach a certain point in this awful disease. That routine can drive us a little crazy though at times.
But, at least you tried. I’m so sorry that all your effort ended with agitation and fighting. Hopefully it will be more enjoyable the next few days. We never know what to expect, do we?

A hard lesson and I'm sorry. I've been thinking about you, glad you posted. Please be careful, im still concerned about his degree of aggression towards you. I hope you've communicated it to his docs.

I, too, have been wondering how you've been getting along. Sadly, even if both partners are doing well, vacations aren't always perfect. Do remember that, and try not to be hard on yourself about it. You can provide/open up an experience to another person, but they have to be willing to engage with it. Take what you can of joy for yourself.

Also, this reinforces me in my position of not wanting to take my angry/aggressive DH on the trips that he wants to go on. Almost daily he begs to go to Hawaii (we live in the Eastern time zone) or to SE Asia (his homeland). Not only would his negativity be more apt to come up if travel were delayed or troublesome, but I would have no one to call (e.g. family) if he went off the rails. Sad, because we made many enjoyable trips to both destinations over the years.

I am so sorry Wose. We went on a cruise 2 years ago to celebrate our 50th anniversary. I had the same intention - making good memories and making the most of his time he has left. However, I came to realize that his good time was more about being at home, comfortable and in his element. I was stressed because he wouldn't cooperate with me in crowds and seemed miserable because of his confusion. It was difficult for me to face that we would never travel again, but I have come to be grateful for the good times we had and now we have to just downsize our "good times" in ways that he can handle and appreciate. It was wonderful that you have taken such great efforts for your loved one.

Like the others, I have stopped planning any trips other than to family. And they’re very seldom. I love your “find”!

Sending hugs, Rose - this journey is not for the weak. I once received some advice I've tried to follow, tho not always successful. I was told to focus on the moments versus the entire experience. For example, if my DH would enjoy a view of the sunset, I try to make it happen, knowing it won't be a memory we'll share. Could be an ice cream cone, today's solar eclipse, fishing for half an hour, etc., I've tried to adjust my expectations to minimize disappointment, tho it doesn't eliminate my sadness and grief. He is in stage 5/6 and his disease is progressing. Know you are not alone - you're in my prayers!

Wow, so much sounds like my Eclipse Adventure! At the last minute, after searching for awhile for lodging, I found a little "cabin" on the water in NY. I thought a couple of days away would be a nice treat. My DH is not very positive about anything these days so the "cabin" reminded him too much of a trailer, I should have included him in the search for lodging (not that he's participated much in any vacation planning in the six years we've been together), the water wasn't hot enough, the outside light was too bright, and on and in and on…

I know it's futile but I keep hoping for a little gratitude, a smile, a pat on the back. Instead I end up singing to myself and hoping I don't mistakenly say something I shouldn't which usually ends up with something being thrown and usually broken.

The man I married five years ago was sweet and considerate, I don't know what happened to him and unfortunately I don't have years of good memories to look back on. I am thankful for this group and knowing there are others going through similar situations.